02-20-2016, 05:28 PM
I agree with most part and I think it is a great challenge to dive deep into my fears. But what I acknowledge as being proof that an unwanted situation will occur is not my fears. I didn't meant to say I know how it will happen because I certainly don't but I know when suffering is on it's way. It happens when I realize someone is projecting desires on me and I realize this person is trying to convince his/her self of something that is not true and will eventually lead them to suffer.
By closing my heart I'm trying to make them realize that such desire is not shared in my part of creation without hurting the other directly. Yet it is my fear of making them suffer that attracts them. And so I can't get rid of it within this reoccuring space/time. And this is the circle you are talking about.
I don't really know how to handle that but it has occured more times than I can count and often leads to me repressing my self and trying not to be loved by as many people as necessary to make this easy on the other. I usually end up going away. But I know this isn't right. I know I'm basically working all the suffering in the whole place on my own but I guess I'm good at it. I just don't know how to properly open my heart then if that is the only solution.
This is one of the most honest thing I've ever written. I have basically only 2 big problems with my life one being that and the other is finding how to earn money. When that is cleared I can basically be a beacon of light in service to the all.
By closing my heart I'm trying to make them realize that such desire is not shared in my part of creation without hurting the other directly. Yet it is my fear of making them suffer that attracts them. And so I can't get rid of it within this reoccuring space/time. And this is the circle you are talking about.
I don't really know how to handle that but it has occured more times than I can count and often leads to me repressing my self and trying not to be loved by as many people as necessary to make this easy on the other. I usually end up going away. But I know this isn't right. I know I'm basically working all the suffering in the whole place on my own but I guess I'm good at it. I just don't know how to properly open my heart then if that is the only solution.
This is one of the most honest thing I've ever written. I have basically only 2 big problems with my life one being that and the other is finding how to earn money. When that is cleared I can basically be a beacon of light in service to the all.