A strange experience

[Night Owl]

I sometimes feel like I don't want anything and I just react to whatever my surrounding brings to me on a paticular day because apparently the universe needs me to be where I am. But when I go back on what I am, what I think, what I learned I just wonder what's the point? What have I got with this existence of mine exactly? Is this going anywhere? What makes what I am better than not being anything? What exactly is worth creating all this universe just so that I am here right now?

It just seems like whatever one does or does not, one is always at the center of things. No matter how much experience, no matter what is learned, no matter how much polarity is gained everything is still in the center of everything. What can possibly give meaning and consistence to experience infinity? How does infinity doesn't create infinite futility. The more there is, the less each fragments of everything become small in perspective. How does everything reconcile into one epic and meaningful experience?

Sorry for negative toughts.... they go deep sometimes! They still are positive intentions. I seek meaning, I seek truth, I seek completion, I seek progression. But how are those things even possible without creating a huge paradox with the OIC?