03-03-2016, 11:51 PM
I know not what I want no matter how deep I go. It seems part of my veil and it seems like the most veiled of all informations I have within my soul. I know only what I want not. This is what I have had to work with all my life. It is extremely useful information to help others I think. It is also extremely hard for me to move foward. I'm not even sure I know what I am so it is difficult to identify something I want in particular while the I speaking is a fragile concept within me. I know the more consciously we live the experience, the more bountiful the fruit. I am exactly searching for a recipe to grow better fruits because I'm all about quality. I open myself to whatever is better than what I do and did until now.
I have found contentment instead of joy as pure joy doesn't seem to be part of my being. I wonder if that is a true concept or only a misconception of the mind when one looks upon other self smiling thinking this is joy. Though I have made huge improvements on that. I've taken huge steps from depression towards easy-goingness and contentment. I don't think about dying like I used to a couple of years ago.
My study of the LOO is presently focused on the archetypes. I agree it is useful information but I haven't found an answer to my question so far. It gives me answers about mecanics of consciousness and programming under the veil and it is indeed really interesting to integrate these concepts within the reality we share. But I see not my path. I see only infinite potential with equal worth in every directions. I would need a plan to work effectively and moving forward because forward is the only way. I need a goal to work out plans and I have no goals whatsoever except continuing to not die because I seem to be programmed to survive even though I fail to see how my freewill is leading me here. The only thing keeping me to progress spiritually is that I have good intentions. But what use are good intentions with nothing to focus them upon?
What if the only distortions I have left are what keeps me alive? Wouldn't undistorting myself lead to the end my self? And is that good or bad? Since I guess nothing is good or bad how does one decides what to do and what not to do for himself and not for others? Is that only measured on a scale of likely to unlikely?
I have found contentment instead of joy as pure joy doesn't seem to be part of my being. I wonder if that is a true concept or only a misconception of the mind when one looks upon other self smiling thinking this is joy. Though I have made huge improvements on that. I've taken huge steps from depression towards easy-goingness and contentment. I don't think about dying like I used to a couple of years ago.
My study of the LOO is presently focused on the archetypes. I agree it is useful information but I haven't found an answer to my question so far. It gives me answers about mecanics of consciousness and programming under the veil and it is indeed really interesting to integrate these concepts within the reality we share. But I see not my path. I see only infinite potential with equal worth in every directions. I would need a plan to work effectively and moving forward because forward is the only way. I need a goal to work out plans and I have no goals whatsoever except continuing to not die because I seem to be programmed to survive even though I fail to see how my freewill is leading me here. The only thing keeping me to progress spiritually is that I have good intentions. But what use are good intentions with nothing to focus them upon?
What if the only distortions I have left are what keeps me alive? Wouldn't undistorting myself lead to the end my self? And is that good or bad? Since I guess nothing is good or bad how does one decides what to do and what not to do for himself and not for others? Is that only measured on a scale of likely to unlikely?
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