Betrayal Catalyst

[Lovelyfaith]

You spoke that your soul chose the catalyst of betrayal, what do you believe are the lessons you are set to learn?

It does seem to me you surely are not here to work on being more loving, as that seems to be quite strong already despite the circumstances you spoke of.

I suppose I was just assuming it's betrayal, considering it's been the theme of my life from my perspective.  My dad carried on an inappropriate relationship with me at the age of 4 and abandoned me and my brothers at 8, and my mom is a compulsive liar and narcissist that refuses to have a normal healthy relationship with me.  So that, coupled with the fact that of the very few intimate relationships that I've built in my life, I've been betrayed by every boyfriend and female friend that I've had.  I have no problem with forgiving, I wonder though if it really just boils down to self love.

Take this please with the love behind it but perhaps the lesson is not to see things from the perspective you are choosing. You haven't learned it yet so it re-presents worse and worse till you do.

I was messed with as a kid by a family member. I never saw that as betrayal. I saw how hurt he was even then. It was messed up. I was 4-6 so it effected me but mostly I think it was unfortunate situations that taught me to forgive and always see the why behind things. People are hurting.

My dad left when I was 4 took all the money and moved to another country. In the late 70s he was already making $100 an hour yet he left the country so he wouldn't have to pay child support.
I didn't feel betrayed, I kinda thought even then he was pretty selfish but betrayed never entered my head even now.

He left us kids with a woman so unstable she actually packed my siblings in the car me 5, sister 9 and brother 12 with intentions of driving us all off a tall bridge. She didn't but even after ending up in the psych ward no one came to take care of us kids. The next bunch of years I'm sure you can imagine with no money, step fathers, extended family even from both sides walking clear out of our lives. just picture everything going bad that could lol still I don't feel betrayed.

I felt I had incompetent parents  and started to see family is those you choose to love, and who choose to love you. They (family)as far as I was conserned even as a kid were stuck at a level where they could only see their needs/wants. No betrayal just people not seeing the big picture.

Anyways I'm nit trying to say your feelings are at all incorrect. I did have abandonment issues, but we are here to learn. I've learned a lot through all that and really I can only be greatful.

Betrayal as a perspective isn't what you necissarily need to see. I would be looking deeper at why, I'm sure there is a dark painful root to why he needed her affection. It's not just sex if it's 4 days, what was he trying to heal. Maybe something he's hiding so deep he doesn't even know.

When you find their pain you can forgive and show compassion that heals.
As to your social anxiety. The phone is hard. I LOVE talking to people but even I hate phones and sales bites let's face it. Don't beat yourself up over that. Show yourself the same compassion. Laugh at it a bit and let that self judgement heal.

So I rambled but my thinking is if you pick a healthier lesson out of all this than betrayal you will change everything even what you attract. Forgiveness and compassion was where I went but something else might suit you better.

Being we are all otherselves, if we can see as a spark if we accumulated another's experiences with the life they had shaping them any one of us could perpetrate the same thing. I'm not a Christian but the saying "there but for the grace of God go I" has been a really useful thing for me to remember.

Big hug, it's hard to shift you heart and mind to a new perspective but sometimes that is the only way to be free. (Hug)

Ps I'm having dinner with my father tomorrow night after not seeing him more than 4 times in 20 years. He's a toddler at the consiousness level I always keep that in mind.

Thank you for being so candid. I see exactly what you are talking about. You pulled up in my memory something that I completely forgot. Back in my early 20s, when ever I would think about my childhood I had the perspective of being a warrior, not a survivor, that I didn't want to think of myself as a victim of anything because the things that I considered 'bad' in my childhood had made me into a strong woman. I think sometime between then and now a few things have happened. 1-I started feeling sorry for myself because of a string of events that weren't pleasant. 2-I forgot that I was a warrior and started feeling victimized, thus turning me into a victim. It's never been a problem for me to forgive people, I certainly don't try blame anyone for anything that I'm going through, I understand that people hurt other people because there is something inside themselves that is hurt. It's coping with the fact that people can actually do that to someone that is the kicker sometimes. It's dealing with the pain that you don't have control over what happens in your life, only how you deal with it. It's the reality that even if you love and respect someone, you don't always get that in return. It's a toughy.

Last night I came across a facebook post that got me thinking, it made a lot of sense to me. It was an article about depression and how the brain shows signs of damage to the hippocampus after periods of intense trauma. The hippocampus governs things pertaining to memory, the formation and maintenance of them, as well as emotional response and also societal navigation. Having the ability to have a conversation and pull ideas and thoughts into the conversation without getting confused or forgetting where you were, these are all controlled by the hippocampus. Brain scans have shown that people that have undergone severe depression and ptsd have shown signs of deterioration in this region. I feel like that is what I have been struggling with the most, being able to converse correctly. It's been awful, to the point where I dread having to talk to anyone because I can't carry on the way they would. It's made me self conscious and I haven't wanted to talk to anyone because most of the time I don't even understand myself by the end of a sentence, I generally have no idea what I am talking about if I speak for longer than 3-5 minutes, especially on days when I am stressed. It's embarrassing.

A few years ago I did some research on psilocybin mushrooms and the studies that have been conducted showing the effects of it on the brain. Scans have shown that careful dosage can re-build those portions of the brain that were damaged, primarily in the hippocampus region. Sufferers of PTSD have said this helped them immensely and scans have shown that it stimulates growth. Mice were tested by using a trigger sound, followed by a shock. After a period of time, all of the mice were traumatized (I'm sorry if this offends anyone), and split into 2 groups. Although both groups were no longer receiving the shocks after the trigger sound, the mouse group that took a placebo continued to show signs of fear and stress, whereas the group that was dosed with psilocybin showed no signs of fear to the sound. I'm just thinking.... does anyone have any knowledge on any of this? I have never done anything like this before, I do vape a little marijuana once in a while to relax but I've never tried a psychedelic. My thought is, why else is it here? If you read accounts of what people experience on ayauasca, dmt and others, it seems to rocket you right into intelligent infinity..? Obviously I would never do something like this unless I've readied myself with meditation and such. Anyone have any input on this? Has any of this been asked to Q'ue or Ra about why there are those kinds of plants are around and what their main use is for?