08-04-2016, 12:22 AM
here is the Q'uo dialogue on the subject.
i have read this multiple times. i am currently in a state of anger. anger at my own stagnation. for the past year i've been steadily accepting my position in life more and more. i am 20 years old and dropped out of college. now i live at my parents' house. i have had very little contact with people my own age, due to depression, anger at self, generally isolated myself. so ive been overwhelmed with loneliness. i live in a town that is the type of place you go to raise children. a middle class suburban city in california. ive brought myself here through my own actions by dropping out of college and abandoning relationships. for a year ive worked with kids as a tutor, which has absolutely saved me from becoming entirely isolated from humanity.
ive stagnated for too long. ive been making music electronically and i play piano all the time. im having waves of surging anger/rage these past few days, the energies psychiatrists have tried to prescribe bipolar medications for. I FEEL as if i have accepted TOO much. Ive been accepting each day and trying to find the love in every moment (succeeding as often as i fail) . have i been too passive?! is the thought im raging, wrestling with.
i feel like im wasting away socially. i feel like im falling asleep, this town puts my mind to sleep. i have that feeling of being someone trying to fight off the sleepiness that overcomes you, but maybe i am reacting too angrily for this fight to have a positive outcome. i am terrified of falling asleep. i am terrified in general. that's why im here in this parents house, living off of them for free, eating full healthy meals and wasting away inside. it seems like im starving in an ocean of spiritual food.
im even scared of posting this, because of the chorus of opposition im hearing: "you are a white, upper-middle class boy who gets free food and a comfortable bed. its by your own choice that you are in this place of weakness." which is TRUE. how do i oppose the voices that are true.
i hope i have communicated enough of my pain. it's strange calling this pain when i live in such physical comfort. but i must say it. i am in great pain.
i have read this multiple times. i am currently in a state of anger. anger at my own stagnation. for the past year i've been steadily accepting my position in life more and more. i am 20 years old and dropped out of college. now i live at my parents' house. i have had very little contact with people my own age, due to depression, anger at self, generally isolated myself. so ive been overwhelmed with loneliness. i live in a town that is the type of place you go to raise children. a middle class suburban city in california. ive brought myself here through my own actions by dropping out of college and abandoning relationships. for a year ive worked with kids as a tutor, which has absolutely saved me from becoming entirely isolated from humanity.
ive stagnated for too long. ive been making music electronically and i play piano all the time. im having waves of surging anger/rage these past few days, the energies psychiatrists have tried to prescribe bipolar medications for. I FEEL as if i have accepted TOO much. Ive been accepting each day and trying to find the love in every moment (succeeding as often as i fail) . have i been too passive?! is the thought im raging, wrestling with.
i feel like im wasting away socially. i feel like im falling asleep, this town puts my mind to sleep. i have that feeling of being someone trying to fight off the sleepiness that overcomes you, but maybe i am reacting too angrily for this fight to have a positive outcome. i am terrified of falling asleep. i am terrified in general. that's why im here in this parents house, living off of them for free, eating full healthy meals and wasting away inside. it seems like im starving in an ocean of spiritual food.
im even scared of posting this, because of the chorus of opposition im hearing: "you are a white, upper-middle class boy who gets free food and a comfortable bed. its by your own choice that you are in this place of weakness." which is TRUE. how do i oppose the voices that are true.
i hope i have communicated enough of my pain. it's strange calling this pain when i live in such physical comfort. but i must say it. i am in great pain.