my mental illness and medication are ruining my life

[im_not_me]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help