my mental illness and medication are ruining my life

[Glow]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help

Hi I'm not me. Sounds like your siblings lack compassion, and empathy.
I'm sorry to hear that with your current struggles those are the people you are around most.

The best way to love people such as those is to realize they truely cannot at this time grasp what you are going through. Maybe down the road they will have remembered/learned but for now at least know it isn't about you. It doesn't help what you are enduring but you mentioned you wanted to love them.
They aren't making it easy, so perhaps understanding them is an easier first step...

As to your struggles, I know from my own life generally things get worse before they get better. Sometimes better then worse then better then worse and you think you are getting no where when suddenly you realize you've arrived. Keep plugging. Your words send energy and I can feel a great heart is in you. Persever. Nurture yourself, take the time you have to put in place habits that will support you and help you manage so it isn't just the meds holding you together.
things like meditation, nutrition, and even light excersize for those endorphins they bring.

We all here reading your words add your plight to our consiousness, as a result all our hearts call for help on your behalf. It will come be patient and don't expect it to arrive the exact way you expect.
Likely you are in for some growth and healing. ((Hugs))

We are all glad you are with us.