my mental illness and medication are ruining my life

[Nicholas]

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

i said "i think" he/she should quit them if he/she thinks he/she can manage alright w/o...no need for grring at me. i didn't order him/her to do anything.

Of course, sister. But language is subjective and it could easily be interpreted as encouragement to go cold turkey on medication that "...mask my violent / psychotic tendencies."

I have personal experience of being on both sides of this coin, i.e. I have been both the sender and the receiver of violent/psychotic tendencies. Similarly to what INM has shared, in my case I grabbed my mom round her throat and, rather pathetically tried to strangle her. 24 hours later all was well. This is what can happen when we become possessed by our own shadow if we fail to cuddle and integrate it. Medication, although imperfect and to some degree experimental, can act like a collar, muzzle and cage for our inner wolf that has yet to be loved.

So I am sorry about the grrrrrr coment, miss Piano Fingers (an affectionate nickname I have for you relating to your unusually long and dexterous digits).   

If I could balance that insensitive remark with "prrrrrr isis!". Which would relate to hearing you play a melody on, for example, a piano (long fingered people make excellent musicians!).