Wandering upon the affective terrain

[rva_jeremy]

Thanks so much for all the kind words; it means a lot. I hope those of you who (like me) struggle with the balancing exercises will read the Pema Chodron article in addition to her other articles on LionsRoar.com.  It is _precisely_ because the article gave me other ways to think about how to deal with emotion that I found it so useful.  How, indeed, would we ever be able to wrap our fingers around an emotion enough to intensify it or negate it if we cannot at least be patient with it?

Octavia, thanks for pointing out the typo!  And I agree with you about the overwhelming nature of anger.  I'd only point out that, in my personal experience, what I find is that sitting with the anger tends to have the eventual effect of decoupling the emotional resonance from the proximate cause.  It is at that point that you start to see what those of Ra mean when they say:

The entity polarizing positively perceives the anger. This entity, if using this catalyst mentally, blesses and loves this anger in itself. It then intensifies this anger consciously in mind alone until the folly of this red-ray energy is perceived not as folly in itself but as energy subject to spiritual entropy due to the randomness of energy being used.

I emphasized the part that really stands out to me.  Once one perceives that this random energy is just energy, I feel two things happen that are of immense value.  

First, you have placed before yourself the possibility of dealing with the proximate cause of the anger on its own terms, without the necessity of the emotional charge.  That doesn't mean you can just dispassionately deal with the situation and leave anger behind.  All it does is gives you the possibility of contemplating what it might feel like to do that.  And once you have an idea of what you're aiming for, you're no longer wandering blindly towards balance--you have a direction to walk in.

Second, you can learn how to abide the discomfort of anger on its very own terms, without the necessity to have it be justified or explained or wrapped up in some experiential narrative or memory.  If you feel the anger deeply, and can feel it as anger qua anger instead of anger because of A, B, and C, then what you get is a hole straight down into some really deep wounds.  It does not surprise me one bit, Octavia, that you encounter undesired thoughts by intensifying anger; I, too, encounter this.  Nasty stuff that scares you, that you don't want to own even a little bit.  But here's the thing: is it any escape from these thoughts to ignore the emotion?  And you may find that if you pull this ravenous wolf of thought into a loving embrace, if you make a leap of faith and trust yourself to be open and free with your shadow side, you come out of the other side with the strength to do more balancing, and the knowledge of yourself that gives you more reason to take more risks like this.

None of this is to minimize your experience at all, Octavia--quite the contrary.  It is a matter of severe gravity.  And it is also your affair, not mine.  But just that you're able to bring it up and articulate it kind of demonstrates that, however halting your steps are, they are moving in the direction of acceptance.  So go easy on yourself.  And don't take my word for any of this.

I cannot imagine a less tangential reply to my piece; thank you so much for sharing it.