Wandering upon the affective terrain

[BlatzAdict]

I think I understand where you are coming from Jeremy, but to try and make things clearer I will give an example.  For the past few days and especially tonight, I have been feeling quite intense despair and hopelessness.  I went for a walk earlier and really tried to put my focus on what was going on inside my body.  I felt a tightness and sickness around my torso and especially around the heart.  As I kept my awareness in that area there was a lessening of the intensity of the feeling.  I imagine that the more one does this sort of practice the more you will build or strengthen your emotional vocabulary, as you put it.  Certain feelings you will be able to identify almost immediately, just how we can identify a tree or a car.  You can even do this without attaching labels to the emotion, as the emotion itself will have its own familiar signature. 

I've realized that there is always something happening inside of you.  If you don't have much awareness of what is happening inside of yourself, then it usually takes pretty intense emotion to grab your attention.  The more skillful you become however at monitoring yourself the more and more depth and nuance in your feelings you will become aware of.  You become more sensitive to your emotions.  With enough practice you could probably get to the point where you could pinpoint exactly where certain emotions start to manifest in the body.  I imagine this aligns with the energy centers but maybe not always.  Can you imagine being aware of your every feeling, in all their depth and colour?  Such a state of being seems incomprehensible to me with where I am right now, and would probably be nightmarish.    

What I struggle with more then feeling an emotion is trying to disentangle it.  That is where the most resistance is for me.  It feels impossible often.  The obvious question of 'why am I feeling like this?' often has me shutting up shop and then distracting myself with whatever (eg. movie, music, eating).  It is the classic reaction of being afraid of what I will find if I probe too deep.  I can feel the resistance as I type.  I think just acknowledging the emotion, trying to feel it as much as I can, and even having a vague sense as to why I feel that way is good practice for someone as emotionally constipated as myself.  I do wonder how necessary analysis is when it comes to understanding the roots of ones emotions or if by simply allowing them to be and experiencing them as fully as you can, you will yield insights without needing to question.  Feel the feels.  

You know I've come in my own life to realize whenever you feel that glut of despair and hopelessness, sometimes it's not all entirely even your own emotions. I feel like sometimes it's intentionally sent to the earth as a cloud of consciousness, or it is the reverberation of the masses combined blocked energy, being sent out, and getting filtered through all wanderers for the purposes of raising the planetary vibration.

At some point you keep clearing and clearing, you start to realize hey wait just 5 seconds ago I was completely grounded and calm, and now all of a sudden I'm being triggered or I'm feeling lost and alienated. Sometimes it's not even your energy, it's the empathic ability that gets activated once you start to allow inner silence from which to better listen. It is also the practice of allowing emotions that one is better able to recognize when emotions being felt are coming from someone else. Sometimes you just have no reason to be or feel sad and you just feel sad. Sometimes I just tear up for no reason, I don't even know why. 

It's because we're starting to transmute and raise the vibration of not just ourselves, but everything around us. I have to say you're on the right track, and to keep thinking about why you may feel a certain way.

Also pay attention to the weather outside, usually it is a visual representation of blocked energy that has been sent out by people in your immediate vicinity. I dare you ask random people how they are feeling during overcast, during clear skies, during cloudy, during rain, and you always get the same pattern of answers. Plus it's fun teaches you to know the creator and ultimately yourself better. 



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Also Jeremy I posted your article here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/copitsot...365946609/

And you got a comment already from Jerry - he says "thanks Jeremy, that was interesting and helpful for me to read. I really like the example of being controlled, it helped me get a grasp on the balancing exercise idea."