10-01-2016, 11:32 AM
Great post, Reaper.
One of my best friends has been into the BDSM culture for a long time. I have learned a lot from her about the culture and also edited her book on the subject. My friend is an experienced "switch" so I have heard what it's like from the Domme and the sub point of view.
I found the part of your post, Reaper, about healing old wounds very interesting and eye-opening. Throughout the many conversations I have had with my friend, that possibility was never brought up. What she did get across was the deep trust engendered in a consensual BDSM relationship. She claims it necessarily goes deeper than "normal" relationships.
I would add that, while in a scene, she says it can be very like meditation. Pain is not a part of BDSM—in spite of the acronym—unless it's what is wanted. Though there is a level of anticipation bordering on danger (for lack of a better word—it's the not knowing a sub might experience when being "topped") that helps to keep you in the moment. She has described to me something called "subspace" where the sub, in a state of trust and ultimate control, can drift into a place of being not unlike deep meditation, though it is based at least in part on sensual experience. My friend is also into tantric sex and manifestation through sexual energy, and it follows that BDSM might be a good playground for it considering the focus it takes combined with a sustained level of sexual energy.
I also find it interesting that in BDSM the role-playing is acknowledged, rather than the hiding and self-protecting many do with partners in normal relationships. I think for some who resonate with this sort of experiential process, it is a step toward authenticity in a strange way.
From knowing my friend I have come to see how much judgment and narrow-minded perceptions there are about the culture. That horrible book trilogy that shall not be named did nothing to help the issue. In any case, as others have remarked in this thread, each individual walks their own path in their own way toward growth.
One of my best friends has been into the BDSM culture for a long time. I have learned a lot from her about the culture and also edited her book on the subject. My friend is an experienced "switch" so I have heard what it's like from the Domme and the sub point of view.
I found the part of your post, Reaper, about healing old wounds very interesting and eye-opening. Throughout the many conversations I have had with my friend, that possibility was never brought up. What she did get across was the deep trust engendered in a consensual BDSM relationship. She claims it necessarily goes deeper than "normal" relationships.
I would add that, while in a scene, she says it can be very like meditation. Pain is not a part of BDSM—in spite of the acronym—unless it's what is wanted. Though there is a level of anticipation bordering on danger (for lack of a better word—it's the not knowing a sub might experience when being "topped") that helps to keep you in the moment. She has described to me something called "subspace" where the sub, in a state of trust and ultimate control, can drift into a place of being not unlike deep meditation, though it is based at least in part on sensual experience. My friend is also into tantric sex and manifestation through sexual energy, and it follows that BDSM might be a good playground for it considering the focus it takes combined with a sustained level of sexual energy.
I also find it interesting that in BDSM the role-playing is acknowledged, rather than the hiding and self-protecting many do with partners in normal relationships. I think for some who resonate with this sort of experiential process, it is a step toward authenticity in a strange way.
From knowing my friend I have come to see how much judgment and narrow-minded perceptions there are about the culture. That horrible book trilogy that shall not be named did nothing to help the issue. In any case, as others have remarked in this thread, each individual walks their own path in their own way toward growth.
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