WOW, yes. The other day I was doing a workout and I suddenly became overwhelmed with how heavy my body was. As in, if you don't continually support yourself above the ground, you fall and don't get up.
actually this has happened a few times recently. breaking down while pacing my room, "I'm so TIRED." Just this overwhelming feeling of TIREDness from just EXISTING.
The DEFAULT on Earth is death!! Think about it, living is an EFFORT, staying upright is EFFORT, and of course the despairing part of me says staying positive is EFFORT. I have a mental image in the same vein as Atlas, or Samson, who by necessity of existing, must exert their entire effort in order to not be crushed. It feels like the center of the Earth is relentlessly pulling you towards it.
I feel like a collapsible man. Like four hours of radiating inner positivity, and then I come home exhausted, and collapse into the heaviness. that's it, four hours, that is the extent of my physical other oriented effort every day. not even every day, some days i am too compressed to do even that. I lay on my bed fetal position, it feels as if all the environment is seeking to crush me, and the air is unbearably heavy, and what's more, my inner soul sucks inwardly at the same time!! so what, then, is keeping me from spontaneously imploding into a nothing point like a paper cup at deep sea pressure??
but here's the thing that really confuses me: TRUE RADIATING LOVE IS SELF-PERPETUATING. So the fact that I radiate what seems to me to be 'true love' and then at the end of a short work shift feel exhausted??! But why am I not ENERGIZED by this love that I offer! at first It feels good enough to recharge me like a battery, but earth is toooooo heeeeaavvvyyyy, heavy heavy heavy heavy heavy compressed small suction heavy. maybe i am not actually loving, then, maybe i think i am but actually am emitting a feeble fraction of what i could be.
heavy
Love is light. why does earth feel so heavy if we are trying to help it. why are we lifting the heavy loads. shouldn't our love make it lighter? or is this the 'light' version of earth? earth-lite, complete with non-native energies
there was a monk who quoted buddha, she said "the body doesn't have cancer... the body is a cancer." Jeez. and she was so deeply joyous as she said it. hmmm
actually this has happened a few times recently. breaking down while pacing my room, "I'm so TIRED." Just this overwhelming feeling of TIREDness from just EXISTING.
The DEFAULT on Earth is death!! Think about it, living is an EFFORT, staying upright is EFFORT, and of course the despairing part of me says staying positive is EFFORT. I have a mental image in the same vein as Atlas, or Samson, who by necessity of existing, must exert their entire effort in order to not be crushed. It feels like the center of the Earth is relentlessly pulling you towards it.
I feel like a collapsible man. Like four hours of radiating inner positivity, and then I come home exhausted, and collapse into the heaviness. that's it, four hours, that is the extent of my physical other oriented effort every day. not even every day, some days i am too compressed to do even that. I lay on my bed fetal position, it feels as if all the environment is seeking to crush me, and the air is unbearably heavy, and what's more, my inner soul sucks inwardly at the same time!! so what, then, is keeping me from spontaneously imploding into a nothing point like a paper cup at deep sea pressure??
but here's the thing that really confuses me: TRUE RADIATING LOVE IS SELF-PERPETUATING. So the fact that I radiate what seems to me to be 'true love' and then at the end of a short work shift feel exhausted??! But why am I not ENERGIZED by this love that I offer! at first It feels good enough to recharge me like a battery, but earth is toooooo heeeeaavvvyyyy, heavy heavy heavy heavy heavy compressed small suction heavy. maybe i am not actually loving, then, maybe i think i am but actually am emitting a feeble fraction of what i could be.
heavy
Love is light. why does earth feel so heavy if we are trying to help it. why are we lifting the heavy loads. shouldn't our love make it lighter? or is this the 'light' version of earth? earth-lite, complete with non-native energies
there was a monk who quoted buddha, she said "the body doesn't have cancer... the body is a cancer." Jeez. and she was so deeply joyous as she said it. hmmm
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)