Selfishness of STO

[Agua del Cielo]

Hello seeker of the one!

I would like to add my perspective.
I think there is a danger to view this subject too much on an intellectual and somewhat "superficial" level.
Because of that it might be fruitful to forget about the selfish/selfless part for a moment.

Bring_4th_plenum stated it in a brilliant way, in my opinion, viewing it in terms of acceptance vs. Control might shed more light on this.

I feel one should first be in a position where one can effectively be of real service to others.
By that i mean, its crucial to develop emotional maturity.
One needs to know oneself (deeply) and should be aware, where healing is needed.

Its all too easy to try to avoid my own wounded areas. If i am not (or not yet) willing to let ones my injured points surface, i have to control my feelings heavily (mostly unconscious).
Logically i also will have to control others in order to keep them from triggering my old wounds.

In this regard a lot if not most of my actions would, no matter how selfless or helping they might look on the outside would be ultimately means of control thus providing negative polarization.
The only way to prevent from doing so, is to be willing to face my emotions, no matter what they are.

Having been active in the therapeutic field for quite some time i realized that probably 90% of actions and behaviour of humans are means of avoiding the re-occurance of traumatic situations one has encountered in childhood or even earlier.
The compulsive drive to control is incredibly heavy and usually completely unconscious.
In case you ever resolved a traumatic childhood experience (for example) you probably know what i mean, the emotional energy of such incident are so incredibly high that one understands fully, why one avoid the reoccurance at ANY price.
Apart from that resolving such issues will not only bring much more freedom and purity in ones actions, italso brings deeperunderstanding for otherpeoples struggle. Ultimately we all have the same issues basically. The differences are just gradual. And many people can not yet allow mostof these issues to be looked at.
Withhealing and acceptance, there comes understanding. The need for defensiveness becomes less and less, theneed for control becomes less, compassion and understanding grows, and the wish to be helpful will become a natural behaviour and not something to be worked on.

I would like to add that questions like "is this really sto or do i have a hidden agenda" becomes more and more answered by knowing oneself deeper.

Apart from that, we are human beings. We have endured a lot of hardships, we have suffered a lot.
It is alright to be defensive, to control oneself and others, to be selfish.
Its just good to be orto become aware of it.
It will be completely understandable once we find the root of it.

We will find a being that suffers in a helpless situation and needs our compassion and not our judgement. We will find a being that needs help and not abandonement.
And with that we will quite naturally perceive this little being in other humans who struggle on their path.
By that a helpful service to others attitude and thus positive polarization will come all by itself, inmy opinion.