How to forgive yourself.

[Agua del Cielo]

I just compare the similiar environment that me and my younger brother (by 2 years) grew up in.  Even though many of the events were the same, we took away different emotional responses.  That can only really be attributed to former biases being 're-engaged'.  It's like it was very easy to form a particular 'interpretation' because the groundwork for that interpretation was just waiting to be 're-energised'.

Yes!

I would add however,that two brothers of different age still would have different issues.
Given the parents are not enlightened (which is the case withinsome families,hehe), they would withdraw attention and love (to a degree depending on there open-hearted-ness) from the older one when the younger one is born, providing heavy catalyst of neglect up to abandonement to the older one.
The younger one would have to face different issues.

So if I could contrast your positive qualities, with some opposites, it may help elucide those character traits.

Courage/avoidance: avoidance being seen as an easier route for the mind, in many many situations

I would add, that avoidance sometimes is unavoidable and (i hope i willlearn this so,eday myself) should be treated with understanding and compassion.

Strength/fear: fear of having one's identity being subjected to disintegrating or overwhelming emotions

A very insightful description, thank you!

Trust/skepticism: I'm reminded of a quote from Ra, in 42.12. "The entire activity can only occur when there exists faith that an outcome of this discipline is possible."

This is very true, i would like to add:
Basically, most catalyst can be traced back to a traumatic situation in early years.
If one use a practcal example:
Lets say you have been heavily violated as a little child. In a way, this little child is still "alive" and is still IN the situation.
This very child-part would then dissociate, meaning, it would make itself and the energy of the event unaccessible, so to say.
(The exact mechanism is a very fascinating one).
Ultimately it is the little child that would create the blockage and dissociation.
This would mean, you have to offer a "situation" that would be trustworthy for the CHILD in order to convince it to let go of control.
This would require trust on a very deep level, thats why it takes years and sometimes decades.
The controling part of us subconsciously knows exactly whatwe would have to deal with, while we in our everyday consciousness hold no clue

Stability/non-opportunity: non-opportunity in lacking the means in time or method

Not so sure about this one.
If you consider our normal adult reaction to catalyst, you would find that we usually believe in our stories instead of dealing with the pure emotion on its own.
A person or incident just triggers old emotions, but we usually believe, that person caused it.

Lets say you come to an old trauma via therapeutic means, or mushrooms or whatever, the "doors" would be open afterwards.
(Once the doors are open, they are hard to close again.)
The incident would not be healed completely, it would be more of an healing initiation.
One would be faced with these emotions for days, maybe even weeks or more until they are either healed completely or subside.
In these stages or phases, the emotions would possibly so strong, that we find ourselves overwhelmed and not "functional" for a while.
The more stability one has, the easier it will be to integrate. The less stability, the more the probability that one cannot even perform basictasks anymore.
I remember when in a therapeutic setting my first memories of ana early trauma surfaced.
I would stay at home with the shades pulled down for two weeks. I wouldnt answer phone calls, and when the door bell rang i stood stiif at the wall, didnt open and didnt dare to move for maybe an hour...


This whole last example wasnt to discourage anyone. This was to illustrate which fear there is unconsciously and which level of trust it needs.
However this fear is an old childhood-program, it was true back then and we still hold on to it ( or rather the controling part).
One would not usually break open all frozen emotions at once
And, what was our solution back then nowadays is our problem...

Thank you for your thoughts!
It is a pleasure and very insightful for me to discuss this important subject with you guys
Thank you very much