Loving someone more than you love yourself

[Agua del Cielo]

Dear Nowheretoday, Dear Glow,
I am very sorry that you are experiencing such a painful situation.
I would first like to speak out my deep compassion.

I can deeply relate to the experiences you go through. I have experienced this several times, the last time maybe four years ago which was the most severe form it took so far.

I would begin with: whatever you go through right now, you will get through, you will getoutof this.
If you experience all these things consciously, why i do not doubt since you re on a conscious spiritual path, you will grow considerably and the sun will shine for you in a way that right now is beyond your imagination!

I will very briefly share my experience and if you wish, i will gladly go into more details and how i got through.

I cannot tell at which point of yourhealing journey you are and if this makes any sense to you, but i'll give it a go anyway:

After some long realationships, i came to a point where i was able to open up more and more.
I started a relationship with a girl, we fell in love the very first evening.
She showed a lot of interest in the spiritual path, and i was really happy to have found someone like her.
After a while, her interest in spiritual growth would become less and less, to the point of zero or below.
I was, in my opinion, extremely open and honest to her.
Atthe end i found out, all that spiritual stuff didnt interest her all all truly. I also found out she had an affair for more than a year already. More than that, she was about to end our relationship.

The degree of suffering i went through was beyond anything i experienced so far. Additionally she started behaving like an assh**** more and more, causing extra pain.

I was at that point already aware that this situation had triggered very old emotions of betrayal, abandonmentand so on.
I was aware, that the situation itself would be sad and more, but not to the very degree i suffered.
But even realizing this, i was extremely hard for me to go about my daily "business", the suffering was so immense i was pretty close to suicide on numerous times.

I was clinging to this girl, despote all the suffering it caused, being convinced that she was the "one" for me.
I considerd my love to be unconditional and profound.
Additionally i just could not understand, why such an "honest" person like me would attract an experience of utter dishonesty.

It took almost 9 months to get outof this.
Only with doing healing work almost nonstop, with the help of amazing friends, with the aid of a really good therapist could i work through this so fast and profoundly.

I found out a lot of things:

The love i felt was "real" on the deepest level.
But on the level i experienced it, it was far from being "unconditional".
Unconditional love would probably not suffer, ifthe otherperson walks away, feel sadness for a while, yes, but not such a deep suffering.
A baby that was abandoned by its mother would feel exatly what i felt, the ultimate and existential need for EXACTLY that one person, a degree of suffering that would shake my very core, the feeling that life ends when this person abandones me.

I already knew that i had this old pain in me, but it would be unaccessable for years (mostly).
I realize now in hindsight, the fear of facing such a situation ( in fact the baby situation in my case) was keeping me from really deeply comitting to a relationship and open up my heart wide.
What if i opened up and that person would leave?
Now that i wentthrough this, i dont fear it anymore (to the degree iwas before).
This lead to the ability to open my heart and connectin an relationship that was unimaginable before.
The relationship i have now, would neverhave been possible without the "opportunity" to release these old emotions.
So, now i am very grateful for this, it was a milestone in my growth and healing.

Also, about "knowing" myself. At that time i was already at a point, where  i realized, that there is much hidden inside me, much misconception, just a lot i did not teally know.
But this experienced really humbled me.
It made me aware that in fact little do i know.

For example the dishonesty.
I was being dishonest, becasue for already a long time i could sense all the dishonesty. But i would rather lie to myself, otherwise i wouldhave had to break up the relationship myself.
I wasnt honest about the degree of my "love", i thoughtof myself as loving unconditionally, but in fact, there was a part in me that was dependant on the love of that. That would be quitethe opposite of unconditionally.
I would ignore the feeling that she just did allthe spiritual stuff for me instead for herself, because i longing for a spiritual relationship so much.
The list goes on and i find i have to expand it on a weekly basis at least...

I apologize for that lengthy post.
I hope this is of some help for you.
And please let me know, if i should further expand on the many lessons i learned by that, the "techniques" and means that helped me through, and just about anything that could give you possibly relief and comfort!

I wish you all the best and may you be guided on this rough part of your journey!