Becoming a Healer - My Journey

[Agua del Cielo]

More Catalyst

help was on it's way, but it seemed to come in form of catalyst :/

I decided to book a session with my former therapist.

She was probably the one who saved my life years ago.
She was always very loving, understanding and a world champion in compassion.
She was able to connect with that wounded self in me that i back then didnt have real access to.
at times she was even crying my tears it seemed where i couldnt.
Especially the wounded child in me was always feeling utmost trust. With her i dared to face the deep pain in me.
she was holding me in my darkest moments.
She helped me heal my "autism" in connecting with the part of me that wouldnt speak, and helping me to bring it "into the world"
You can imagine what important role she played in my life.

I wanted to tell her about my healer plans, i needed some sort of "validation".

The session was a desaster!

i started telling about all my recent "spiritual discoveries" which were quite a few and very important to me.
i told her how well my relationship was going.
She said "well thats not so interesting, but i'm glad your realationship is fine".
I told her i had difficulties because i was constantly innerly commenting and judging people, i was hoping for help and understanding.
She said "impossible to become a healer if you judge people".
I told her i wanted to more effectively serve my fellow human beings, more effective than with music.
She said "oh, so your putting yourself into service  now"

F### you, i have tried to serve my whole life!!
Do you even know me, after all these years?
Grrrrrr.....

and so on

And not a single tiny word of encouragement for my "healer plans", not at all!
all she said was "well, if you think so. Time will tell. you will See, if people come to you or not"

I felt terrible. totally misunderstood. unfairly treated. judged.
in two hours i lost all the trust thatpart carefully been Build over the years!
It took me days to realize how deep the damage was.

I had lost one of the most important humans in my life.
I had lost my "Bridge into the world".

Ah, did i mention i was completely discouraged?

On the other hand, i could clearly see the lesson.
I had a first-hand experience of which utmost importance a loving, understanding, non-judging and most of all trust-full relationship was in therapy.
Not that i didnt know this.
But know that i lost it i could FEEL it

But did this put myself in a position to be a better healer?
I learned how to NOT do it, but not yet more.

I admit, i learned a lot, but i felt terrible.
Thank you, higher self, for that nice lesson

and that was only the beginning...

-to become continued-