Conflicted

[Kaaron]

Im finding myself more and more prominently at an impasse with what I know to be existential truth, and what I would consider to be the 'will of the world'. What I mean by that is, I have an overwhelming desire to leave behind what I have realized to be a ruse and pursue solely that which resonates with my existence. Ive found that the more I go along with the established system or 'will of the world' so to speak, the more this desire to free myself from it grows. However, I feel if I endure it then it will set me up to accomplish my metaphysical goals and objectives down the road more so than if I abandoned my position in society now. Still, I can not get over the feeling that if I pursued the desires of my soul immediatly I would reach these same goals quicker but with no security whatsoever and certainly some sizable portion of struggling. Is there any purpose behind this desire other than my own impatience? Meditation alleviates pressure but often leaves me sad when I return to my current state of existence what else can calm this cognitive drive to act in some unknown way? Should I abandon comfort and stability for passion and pain?

The aim is to bring that loving meditative state into your waking life. Then it doesn't matter what you're doing, you feel the same loving security.
Practice...forgive yourself when you fall from the perspective and just ask for help from your guides/higher self/One infinite creator to bring you back into a more balanced state.

I feel that there is nothing more worthy of our attention.