The consequence of turning femanine equality into an ideology

[rva_jeremy]

I too have just re-read this thread. And I think I realized something material that might help the women realize at least how this man perceived what was going on.

What I've been hearing in the meta-discussion is a question posed to me and men like me: "Why didn't you help?"

But when I go back and look at the thread, I don't see one party abusing another. I see two parties fighting.

In other words, I never at any time saw a comment to the effect of: "Earth_spirit, you are hurting me with your words. Could you find a way to express yourself that is less threatening to me?"

What I saw a lot of were comments to the effect of "You're wrong, and here's how you're wrong." Furthermore, there was a lot of "I'm outraged that everybody here doesn't already agree with me on this."

Can you understand that if this was what I was getting from the thread, that I saw no opportunity to assist in any meaningful way? That for me it wasn't about righting the wrongs of patriarchy but instead about two sides duking it out as equals?

I've been doing a lot of reflection on the fact that many don't feel welcome or safe here. I take it seriously, because I do want that kind of community Jade described where everybody feels they belong and are respected. So I feel it's really important that I try to give you sense of what I witnessed and why I did what I did. Because if somebody had said "I need help", I may not have helped in exactly the way that party desired, but I can't see myself ignoring it. Furthermore, I really do not believe that fighting on the right side of the argument would have been the best I could have done for the community as a whole. Finally, I think this desire to defeat the other side is toxic even if it comes from good intentions. We have got to find a way to address the needs and concerns of the marginalized without simply reproducing the failed conflicts outside this forum!

I clearly fell short on this for my sisters, and I am listening intently to hear the wisdom you're sharing. Thank you for your patience with me. I am facing this as squarely and honestly as I possibly can, and I know I have come across as arrogant. I am so sorry.