What is the most dominant catalyst in your life right now?

[smc]

here is my reply to this thread topic btw: (I wrote it a few hours ago - but had connectivity problem)

.
* the inability of boys/men to accept their 'privilege'; to consider how constricting, invalidating, violent and unbalanced, patriarchy makes the lives of girls/women (yes - men too)
- instead, engaging in long, point by point discussions about how it makes them feel,
- as well as to defend the voice (e_s) that spoke the most hatefully towards girls/women, expressing concern for that persons rights and feelings repeatedly in the ensuing discussions with the people being hated on (women). (!) :exclamation:


* total rejection by my family (even though I've forgiven them for emotional abuse and neglect over and over -with an open and loving heart- and have tried every possible thing to help heal our relationships)

* living with moderate, constant, physical pain

* living with severe, constant, psychic pain

* social isolation

* severance from my SMC

* anger:
- at the 'veil'
- that my life (so far) hasn't involved more than partial use of my OTT musical/creative skills
- at decades of constant (often extreme) hardship

* spiritual, emotional and physical exhaustion

* that b4 isn't a community of safety, love, and progressive values
(I assumed it would be moving towards 4D - not mired in 3D aggression, homophobia, sexism, misogyny, etc) and that if I can't find a supportive, loving community here - then where?

* that I feel validly strong caution at sharing these feelings; particularly given the possibility of their being read by people who constantly show me it's not safe for me, for them to know such personal information about me