03-28-2017, 04:16 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-28-2017, 05:15 AM by smc.
Edit Reason: spelling
)
I'd like to address something:
I am no fan of psych wards or psychiatrists (from Australian experiences).... and if you're having a genuine Spiritual awakening and have no actual biochemical psychosis or schizophrenia either innate or drug-induced - meds are very damaging for your body and brain
HOWEVER
if you're in a state (biologically) of psychosis - (as opposed to rational metaphysical/spiritual awareness/opening/awakening and/or ideas) you DO need nutrition, rest, a low stress safe environment, mild sedation (chamomile/valerian/valium/hot milk/warm bath etc) buuuut if this isn't sufficient to assist your return to 'consensus reality' - to function in taking care of your daily needs- you will very likely need anti-psychotics and/or stronger sedatives.
This is not to diss anyone's metaphysical experiences - or invalidate them as just 'psychiatric', because I personally (know) things that I could never tell a mental health person... or be committed myself.
Buuuut - clinical psychosis IS different from Spiritual experience/s.
I know this because I've had a LOT of contact with psychics and psychotics/schizophrenics... and there IS a difference.
Sometimes a psychosis is a metaphysical awakening and/or has an overlay of actual verifiable knowledge... but not always... in fact just as often - NOT.
Re meds - the same goes for depression that lasts longer than a few weeks to months... you need extensive emotional support, immediate reduction in stress in surroundings, excellent sleep and nutrition, exercise, fresh air, comedy, love, massage, change of routine, new experiences, counselling, and yet still may need the serotonin levels of your brain restorted/re balanced with a (basic) SSRI.
an all or nothing belief about meds really bothers me - because it isn't the whole picture
I know because I tried every single "natural" thing I could to lift my severe depression - for over 10 years - and nothing helped me return to life but an SSRI.
I wouldn't be here typing this if I didn't take sertraline for this last 20 years. It's akin to a diabetic needing insulin daily. At least in my situation.
I was literally going to die. I was wanting to walk into traffic.
I was so CLINICALLY (ie: biochemically) depressed that by the end unless I was asleep - I was crying... tears slowly rolling down my face non stop for over a week from my brain chemistry becoming so depleted of serotonin from decades of trying to cope with abuse, trauma, loss, and betrayal by family.
Nothing was helping anymore, not vitamins, not swimming 1 km each day, not Reiki, not kinesiology, homeopathy, top rate nutrition, massage, tarot readings, talking, parties, walking my wonderful dog or hugging my dog, not shopping, videos, computer games, books, studying, reflexology, astrology, not counselling, not alcohol (made it far worse), not weed, not sedatives, not sobriety, not indulgent food, not chocolate, not candy, not sex, not music, dancing, hugs, not travel (I went overseas)... not screaming, not crying, NOTHING.
After returning from an overseas trip which should have been the most exciting mind blowing fun experience - and instead was all darkness and anxiety - and crying everyday for a few weeks unable to leave the house - I had lain on a couch an entire day staring at the beauty of lime green translucent leaves on a tree out the window- and realised I was crying at their BEAUTY ! I went to my doctor and got a script for an SSRI... small mild headaches for first 2 weeks - but started to be able to sleep a little and get out of bed each day.... and as the weeks passed - slowly the agony shifted... the despair became less... all the crap still remained and had to be dealt with - but with my serotonin levels being replenished (neurotransmitters people!) at least I was running the marathon with LEGS underneath me!!! Since then over 2 decades I've slowly gone from the starter dose to the maximum dose and I know for sure if I reduced the dose or stopped altogether, you'd not hear from me again. I'd be gone from this world.
This is only my story - each person is individual - but I'm just as pro-medication as I am against incorrect/indiscriminate medication usage.
And I'm really tired of reading pro recreational drug usage and anti psychiatric drug usage (especially as the latter is often urgently needed to try to rectify psychosis caused by the recreational drugs!)
When we have altered/depleted brain chemistry - by the very nature of our imbalanced brain chemistry, we're fearful, anxious, paranoid, etc etc to take the step of trying medication - it's what stopped me for most of my younger years - total fear (and societal stigma). I was terrified about feeling 'weird', or 'drugged'... so I understand peoples caution ... but I've lived with Bipolar and Schizophrenic friends and the help their meds gave them was like night and day - a state of near complete breakdown vs having a reasonable chance at a happy life.... (if you get the right meds at the right level WHICH IS SOMETIMES A REALLY DIFFICULT BALANCE and yes - when it's the wrong medication - wrong dose ,or no medication is needed but is still given - it's a big problem and can feel really awful)
psychiatrists are some of the most entitled, cold, ignorant arseholes I have ever met... so I have very nuanced, complex ideas on this topic - but I do know there is a difference between my clairaudience and the 'voices' of schizophrenia - (not that the latter is invalid metaphysically - but that it can be too random, overwhelming, loud, life consuming a form of mental 'openness' for safety in a straight western world - and also can when in dialogue with or in league with emotional and psychic wounds from abuse in a stressed , unhappy, anxious insecure person, become useless, toxic, "whitenoise' of disinfo that gets mistaken for "truth'...)
so I just want to say (yet again!) to this forum - dismissing psych medication outright is NOT useful
especially when forum members are interested in/advocate for recreation/metaphysical drug usage that alters their brain chemistry!!
I think most psych wards are 'holding cells' for people who are a 'problem' either for themselves, society/their families or all 3 - they're diagnosis/symptom control and 'time-out' places... not designed for healing, resolving the core factors/issues and yes getting 'drugged up' can occur.... it depends on the country - the level of health coverage you do or don't have - and a host of other factors...
I only ever was assessed (for a possible psych ward stay) after a second OD/suicidal ideation ER admission - and the Psych said with PTSD and clinical depression I would be better at home and feel worse in a ward around psychotic, angry, suicidal, violent, drug addicted, deeply troubled patients... he was correct - I felt - but I went home still suicidal....
the positive was that from that last ER admission (second OD) I finally took my life long abuse and repeated near death behaviour SERIOUSLY
I'm naturally an STO 'entity' - my whole life has been about caring about everyone... and what I finally learnt is this caring MUST also be extended to me - or I will die
so - since then (early 2013) I am totally sober (except for sertraline, and coffee) and that is a big achievement - as by the end of my destructiveness I was drinking 1 and a half bottles of whisky a day (ie: 30 to 50 "standard drinks")
after my second ER admission (for both - I was rushed there by ambulance) my daily rationale to survive and turn my life around was/is
- I must put my oxygen mask on FIRST
THEN and only then I can help others... I was constantly attempting to do others work - infringing on their learning, not doing my own catalyst learning, and making excuses for their abuses to me -
not wise - not sovereign, not self respecting.
so I had a massive wake up to: self love - self care - self respect
I now live by this
I am good to myself, I'm my own best friend, I married myself, I love myself, I look after myself
I was so abused - so abandoned - so completely alone - I (finally!!) became my own team - that, and sobriety and 24/7 presence of 15 Archangels is why I'm alive.
we MUST love and cherish and protect ourselves or any other actions we do are a FARCE
I learnt that I am not helping my parents by allowing them to continue abusing me. So I stopped all contact (finally - after years of trying) 4 months ago - my dad is 94 - mother 83 - so this is SO difficult for me - but the damage to my psyche if I hear one more unloving abusive comment from them has the potential to lead me somewhere so hurt - I could lose my sobriety and become lost again.
But as I have self love - self care - self respect - no-one gets to abuse me - I don't stand for it anymore I don't allow it
- that's why I've been so conflicted being on b4 - it goes against my whole non b4 existence...
(I'm only here because Spirit keeps gently insisting I remain (until further notice) but it's very much a stretch for me.
Especially how disrespectful some people have sometimes been....)
CA/Van - at 24 you have another 25 years of abuse to take to get to where I got early 2013? - (and I'd moved out of home and had independence too! )
Do you think you can do this situation or similar for another 25 years - before you breakdown? Before something seriously goes wrong? Before you realise you've wasted your years trying to pretend you're somehow safe?
The reason you have low self esteem is because of her (and your entire family)... the reason this love here for you feels weird and you feel you're unworthy is exactly the result of 24 years of abuse. The reason you can't leave the abuse - you don't feel you have the skill set and the courage- is precisely because of the abuse!
This is what I meant by 'learned helplessness - I had it until only 4 years ago! It's also a form of "Stockholm syndrome" - "a condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity."
MANY people have this with their parents !!
CA/Van - I can understand and relate to how several people are very concerned at the ongoing unrelenting abuse you're experiencing - as it IS slowly poisoning you...
I agree with Minya that there are dynamics to look into - but that this can be done once you are away from the constant emotional violence.
there's 'being ready' - but often the longer you stay the less and less you will have the energy - the strength to free yourself - this is what Agua is saying re the child self wanting the 'being taken care' of in the psych ward - a respite -a break, but this is essentially a postponement of the issue
as to her crippling you - yes - and you are also crippling - holding back her.... she also needs the Tower (tarot) to crash to the ground... don't protect her from her karma!
and remember - the longer we resist change - necessary change - the more shocking and destructive the circumstances become to bring about that Holy change
change is INEVITABLE
work to have it occur as much on your own terms as possible - ahead of time - for Life will bring it about in the loudest - most 'harsh' way, if you leave it too long...
I am no fan of psych wards or psychiatrists (from Australian experiences).... and if you're having a genuine Spiritual awakening and have no actual biochemical psychosis or schizophrenia either innate or drug-induced - meds are very damaging for your body and brain
HOWEVER
if you're in a state (biologically) of psychosis - (as opposed to rational metaphysical/spiritual awareness/opening/awakening and/or ideas) you DO need nutrition, rest, a low stress safe environment, mild sedation (chamomile/valerian/valium/hot milk/warm bath etc) buuuut if this isn't sufficient to assist your return to 'consensus reality' - to function in taking care of your daily needs- you will very likely need anti-psychotics and/or stronger sedatives.
This is not to diss anyone's metaphysical experiences - or invalidate them as just 'psychiatric', because I personally (know) things that I could never tell a mental health person... or be committed myself.
Buuuut - clinical psychosis IS different from Spiritual experience/s.
I know this because I've had a LOT of contact with psychics and psychotics/schizophrenics... and there IS a difference.
Sometimes a psychosis is a metaphysical awakening and/or has an overlay of actual verifiable knowledge... but not always... in fact just as often - NOT.
Re meds - the same goes for depression that lasts longer than a few weeks to months... you need extensive emotional support, immediate reduction in stress in surroundings, excellent sleep and nutrition, exercise, fresh air, comedy, love, massage, change of routine, new experiences, counselling, and yet still may need the serotonin levels of your brain restorted/re balanced with a (basic) SSRI.
an all or nothing belief about meds really bothers me - because it isn't the whole picture
I know because I tried every single "natural" thing I could to lift my severe depression - for over 10 years - and nothing helped me return to life but an SSRI.
I wouldn't be here typing this if I didn't take sertraline for this last 20 years. It's akin to a diabetic needing insulin daily. At least in my situation.
I was literally going to die. I was wanting to walk into traffic.
I was so CLINICALLY (ie: biochemically) depressed that by the end unless I was asleep - I was crying... tears slowly rolling down my face non stop for over a week from my brain chemistry becoming so depleted of serotonin from decades of trying to cope with abuse, trauma, loss, and betrayal by family.
Nothing was helping anymore, not vitamins, not swimming 1 km each day, not Reiki, not kinesiology, homeopathy, top rate nutrition, massage, tarot readings, talking, parties, walking my wonderful dog or hugging my dog, not shopping, videos, computer games, books, studying, reflexology, astrology, not counselling, not alcohol (made it far worse), not weed, not sedatives, not sobriety, not indulgent food, not chocolate, not candy, not sex, not music, dancing, hugs, not travel (I went overseas)... not screaming, not crying, NOTHING.
After returning from an overseas trip which should have been the most exciting mind blowing fun experience - and instead was all darkness and anxiety - and crying everyday for a few weeks unable to leave the house - I had lain on a couch an entire day staring at the beauty of lime green translucent leaves on a tree out the window- and realised I was crying at their BEAUTY ! I went to my doctor and got a script for an SSRI... small mild headaches for first 2 weeks - but started to be able to sleep a little and get out of bed each day.... and as the weeks passed - slowly the agony shifted... the despair became less... all the crap still remained and had to be dealt with - but with my serotonin levels being replenished (neurotransmitters people!) at least I was running the marathon with LEGS underneath me!!! Since then over 2 decades I've slowly gone from the starter dose to the maximum dose and I know for sure if I reduced the dose or stopped altogether, you'd not hear from me again. I'd be gone from this world.
This is only my story - each person is individual - but I'm just as pro-medication as I am against incorrect/indiscriminate medication usage.
And I'm really tired of reading pro recreational drug usage and anti psychiatric drug usage (especially as the latter is often urgently needed to try to rectify psychosis caused by the recreational drugs!)
When we have altered/depleted brain chemistry - by the very nature of our imbalanced brain chemistry, we're fearful, anxious, paranoid, etc etc to take the step of trying medication - it's what stopped me for most of my younger years - total fear (and societal stigma). I was terrified about feeling 'weird', or 'drugged'... so I understand peoples caution ... but I've lived with Bipolar and Schizophrenic friends and the help their meds gave them was like night and day - a state of near complete breakdown vs having a reasonable chance at a happy life.... (if you get the right meds at the right level WHICH IS SOMETIMES A REALLY DIFFICULT BALANCE and yes - when it's the wrong medication - wrong dose ,or no medication is needed but is still given - it's a big problem and can feel really awful)
psychiatrists are some of the most entitled, cold, ignorant arseholes I have ever met... so I have very nuanced, complex ideas on this topic - but I do know there is a difference between my clairaudience and the 'voices' of schizophrenia - (not that the latter is invalid metaphysically - but that it can be too random, overwhelming, loud, life consuming a form of mental 'openness' for safety in a straight western world - and also can when in dialogue with or in league with emotional and psychic wounds from abuse in a stressed , unhappy, anxious insecure person, become useless, toxic, "whitenoise' of disinfo that gets mistaken for "truth'...)
so I just want to say (yet again!) to this forum - dismissing psych medication outright is NOT useful
especially when forum members are interested in/advocate for recreation/metaphysical drug usage that alters their brain chemistry!!
I think most psych wards are 'holding cells' for people who are a 'problem' either for themselves, society/their families or all 3 - they're diagnosis/symptom control and 'time-out' places... not designed for healing, resolving the core factors/issues and yes getting 'drugged up' can occur.... it depends on the country - the level of health coverage you do or don't have - and a host of other factors...
I only ever was assessed (for a possible psych ward stay) after a second OD/suicidal ideation ER admission - and the Psych said with PTSD and clinical depression I would be better at home and feel worse in a ward around psychotic, angry, suicidal, violent, drug addicted, deeply troubled patients... he was correct - I felt - but I went home still suicidal....
the positive was that from that last ER admission (second OD) I finally took my life long abuse and repeated near death behaviour SERIOUSLY
I'm naturally an STO 'entity' - my whole life has been about caring about everyone... and what I finally learnt is this caring MUST also be extended to me - or I will die
so - since then (early 2013) I am totally sober (except for sertraline, and coffee) and that is a big achievement - as by the end of my destructiveness I was drinking 1 and a half bottles of whisky a day (ie: 30 to 50 "standard drinks")
after my second ER admission (for both - I was rushed there by ambulance) my daily rationale to survive and turn my life around was/is
- I must put my oxygen mask on FIRST
THEN and only then I can help others... I was constantly attempting to do others work - infringing on their learning, not doing my own catalyst learning, and making excuses for their abuses to me -
not wise - not sovereign, not self respecting.
so I had a massive wake up to: self love - self care - self respect
I now live by this
I am good to myself, I'm my own best friend, I married myself, I love myself, I look after myself
I was so abused - so abandoned - so completely alone - I (finally!!) became my own team - that, and sobriety and 24/7 presence of 15 Archangels is why I'm alive.
we MUST love and cherish and protect ourselves or any other actions we do are a FARCE
I learnt that I am not helping my parents by allowing them to continue abusing me. So I stopped all contact (finally - after years of trying) 4 months ago - my dad is 94 - mother 83 - so this is SO difficult for me - but the damage to my psyche if I hear one more unloving abusive comment from them has the potential to lead me somewhere so hurt - I could lose my sobriety and become lost again.
But as I have self love - self care - self respect - no-one gets to abuse me - I don't stand for it anymore I don't allow it
- that's why I've been so conflicted being on b4 - it goes against my whole non b4 existence...
(I'm only here because Spirit keeps gently insisting I remain (until further notice) but it's very much a stretch for me.
Especially how disrespectful some people have sometimes been....)
CA/Van - at 24 you have another 25 years of abuse to take to get to where I got early 2013? - (and I'd moved out of home and had independence too! )
Do you think you can do this situation or similar for another 25 years - before you breakdown? Before something seriously goes wrong? Before you realise you've wasted your years trying to pretend you're somehow safe?
The reason you have low self esteem is because of her (and your entire family)... the reason this love here for you feels weird and you feel you're unworthy is exactly the result of 24 years of abuse. The reason you can't leave the abuse - you don't feel you have the skill set and the courage- is precisely because of the abuse!
This is what I meant by 'learned helplessness - I had it until only 4 years ago! It's also a form of "Stockholm syndrome" - "a condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity."
MANY people have this with their parents !!
CA/Van - I can understand and relate to how several people are very concerned at the ongoing unrelenting abuse you're experiencing - as it IS slowly poisoning you...
I agree with Minya that there are dynamics to look into - but that this can be done once you are away from the constant emotional violence.
there's 'being ready' - but often the longer you stay the less and less you will have the energy - the strength to free yourself - this is what Agua is saying re the child self wanting the 'being taken care' of in the psych ward - a respite -a break, but this is essentially a postponement of the issue
as to her crippling you - yes - and you are also crippling - holding back her.... she also needs the Tower (tarot) to crash to the ground... don't protect her from her karma!
and remember - the longer we resist change - necessary change - the more shocking and destructive the circumstances become to bring about that Holy change
change is INEVITABLE
work to have it occur as much on your own terms as possible - ahead of time - for Life will bring it about in the loudest - most 'harsh' way, if you leave it too long...
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