05-21-2017, 09:23 AM
Us Americans are mostly apathetic towards all things living.
Jade, Glow, I've been there with the crying AND vomiting, I shut down, how do you manage to keep dealing with it?? I feel like I can't handle it, but only because I've got nothing good to go home too... I remember when I had my own apartment and I'd come home to my pregnant girlfriend, felt like I could handle anything, until my boss pulled a huge dick move for calling out to stay with her in the hospital and cut all my hours, I literally scoffed in his face as he personally insulted me and told him I was done with his attitude, told him to get counseling, to stop scheduling himself for 50 hours if he didn't like it and to learn how to talk to people. Fun fact. That job no longer exists, they got shut down. That manager liked to scream at people until his face was pink. I would've liked to put it in the pressure cooker there at KFC, whiten up his rawness a bit.
I don't understand people. I honestly am so disturbed by so many people that I don't even know if I CAN survive working. Some parts of me would rather live in a tent and survive as a homeless urban nomad... But I doubt I'd survive long with how low energy I am.
How do you handle it?
GS, the game of niceness gets me used and abused, you don't want to be nice to my mother. She'll manipulate you down, hard. I basically live in a room now avoiding her like the plague.
My car situation is my dumbass fault for trusting my mother. To keep insurance payments low (by like 20-40 dollars) we put my car in her name despite my paying 2k for its total 2.5k price (which was a rip off, had a major engine issue that cost 700, fucking guy lied to and ripped me off, I wish I could make him pay for it in medical bills but I'm just too nice...) and so now she holds it over my head. As for insurance, I was paying it consistently, only seemed legit, then she started lying about the amount, inflating it above what it actually was, so when I no longer had an income I told her I knew what she was doing and that she can pay for it for a while. Sure wasn't happy about it but I consider it karma. You take my money wrongfully I'll make you pay for it.
Love believe it or not, does not change these things or transform them. It just buries them to come up again worse than ever. Love isn't meant for these systems of apathy or heavily apathetic people. Their lessons are far worse than anyone who is loving...
The worst part is I see this apathy I hate so very much in myself. Especially when I don't censor myself like above.
it is...Deeply, although not absolutely, the worst feeling I've ever known. From pain to misery, apathy makes me feel sick in a way nothing.else does, except really messed up stuff like torture or physical trauma being inflicted for fun...
Sigh. So much to do. If only life had a redo button that wasn't basically suicide, I'd push it and try again but this time gtfo into my own place way sooner...
The bank issue I don't think will become an issue as the business isn't actually a business... Like I'm not claiming it as an income or anything. I wouldn't think it'd matter all that much for the other person too since my name is on the account, could just say that that account is almost exclusively used by me.
How would it become a problem??? Is owning a bank account seriously this convoluted? Its like dealing with my mother in financial form....
GS, I've thought of doing that if I were ever desperate enough, but I'd also honestly rather not be a homeless mentally ill person with a criminal record. Police don't need an excuse to beat to death literally mentally ill people like that, Nevermind the ones with criminal records.
I'd LOVE to talk to a psychologist or even a counselor. But the health insurance I share with my mom only works through the people her company redirects us too. Twice I tried to setup an appointment, twice 7 different places did not return my calls or even pickup the phone after calling several hours apart. I was seriously flabbergasted at that occurrence. It felt like the universe conspiring to stop me or something....
I can't afford a psychologist... Mental health practices should be free and paid for by the government. Why wouldn't you want a mentally healthy populace??
I seriously do not understand half of this stuff... I thought America was land of the free not land of the conformity.
Jade, Glow, I've been there with the crying AND vomiting, I shut down, how do you manage to keep dealing with it?? I feel like I can't handle it, but only because I've got nothing good to go home too... I remember when I had my own apartment and I'd come home to my pregnant girlfriend, felt like I could handle anything, until my boss pulled a huge dick move for calling out to stay with her in the hospital and cut all my hours, I literally scoffed in his face as he personally insulted me and told him I was done with his attitude, told him to get counseling, to stop scheduling himself for 50 hours if he didn't like it and to learn how to talk to people. Fun fact. That job no longer exists, they got shut down. That manager liked to scream at people until his face was pink. I would've liked to put it in the pressure cooker there at KFC, whiten up his rawness a bit.
I don't understand people. I honestly am so disturbed by so many people that I don't even know if I CAN survive working. Some parts of me would rather live in a tent and survive as a homeless urban nomad... But I doubt I'd survive long with how low energy I am.
How do you handle it?
GS, the game of niceness gets me used and abused, you don't want to be nice to my mother. She'll manipulate you down, hard. I basically live in a room now avoiding her like the plague.
My car situation is my dumbass fault for trusting my mother. To keep insurance payments low (by like 20-40 dollars) we put my car in her name despite my paying 2k for its total 2.5k price (which was a rip off, had a major engine issue that cost 700, fucking guy lied to and ripped me off, I wish I could make him pay for it in medical bills but I'm just too nice...) and so now she holds it over my head. As for insurance, I was paying it consistently, only seemed legit, then she started lying about the amount, inflating it above what it actually was, so when I no longer had an income I told her I knew what she was doing and that she can pay for it for a while. Sure wasn't happy about it but I consider it karma. You take my money wrongfully I'll make you pay for it.
Love believe it or not, does not change these things or transform them. It just buries them to come up again worse than ever. Love isn't meant for these systems of apathy or heavily apathetic people. Their lessons are far worse than anyone who is loving...
The worst part is I see this apathy I hate so very much in myself. Especially when I don't censor myself like above.
it is...Deeply, although not absolutely, the worst feeling I've ever known. From pain to misery, apathy makes me feel sick in a way nothing.else does, except really messed up stuff like torture or physical trauma being inflicted for fun...
Sigh. So much to do. If only life had a redo button that wasn't basically suicide, I'd push it and try again but this time gtfo into my own place way sooner...
The bank issue I don't think will become an issue as the business isn't actually a business... Like I'm not claiming it as an income or anything. I wouldn't think it'd matter all that much for the other person too since my name is on the account, could just say that that account is almost exclusively used by me.
How would it become a problem??? Is owning a bank account seriously this convoluted? Its like dealing with my mother in financial form....
GS, I've thought of doing that if I were ever desperate enough, but I'd also honestly rather not be a homeless mentally ill person with a criminal record. Police don't need an excuse to beat to death literally mentally ill people like that, Nevermind the ones with criminal records.
I'd LOVE to talk to a psychologist or even a counselor. But the health insurance I share with my mom only works through the people her company redirects us too. Twice I tried to setup an appointment, twice 7 different places did not return my calls or even pickup the phone after calling several hours apart. I was seriously flabbergasted at that occurrence. It felt like the universe conspiring to stop me or something....
I can't afford a psychologist... Mental health practices should be free and paid for by the government. Why wouldn't you want a mentally healthy populace??
I seriously do not understand half of this stuff... I thought America was land of the free not land of the conformity.