05-21-2017, 12:07 PM
When you say you have 2k saved, you mean, as of right now you have $2,000 in the bank? Because that changes everything. That's first, second, and last month's rent on an apartment. That's a new car (mine cost me $700). That's freedom right there, man. I've never had $2,000 in the bank.
It seems to me like you've been helping perpetuate this adversarial relationship with your mother. When I was a teenager, I received $10 a week for lunch money, which would feed me 2-3 days, and that's it - PLUS I had nearly 2 hours of chores I had to do every day before I could spend time with my friends. I had to come home after school to complete them - the rules were that I couldn't do them before school. Having money to spend with friends was out of the picture - shoot, having friends was mostly out of the picture. And if I didn't complete my chores, my step mom would steal the cords to my computer - thereby eliminating contact with the rest of my friends.
While my situation was extreme, I don't think it's unreasonable for an adult to expect a teenager to contribute to the house in the form of chores, allowance or not. For you to act like you shouldn't need to contribute to the upkeep of your home by that age was a bit spoiled and entitled. Yes, your mother enabled this, but at any point in you life (past, present, or future) you could take the torch and make choices that are productive instead of destructive. For instance, you talk about what a horrible state your house is in currently - I mean, isn't that a reflection on the choice you made to not contribute to its upkeep? Can you say this is really entirely your mother's fault? When you decided it wasn't worth your effort to take care of your home without a monetary payment, you made the energetic decision that you would rather see your home falling apart than contributing for free.
The point I'm trying to make is that your choices have consequences because they are your choices, not entirely because they are somebody else's choices. For as long as you continue to blame others for your state of being, you will never be able to step beyond that.
Take me for an example. I share some of the trauma I've been through, and it's been pretty tough. But I don't use it to make me bitter or angry. I recognize the value in having struggles, because this is how humans develop empathy. I think back on my experiences, and try to learn them by reframing them. I try to use the weight of my struggles as stepping stones to a higher level of being, and not as burdens that keep pulling me under water. Obviously I am not perfect, and I struggle too, with depression and anxiety, still. But I can look back at where I was when I was your age and see what great strides I've made, and that's very important.
I feel like I have to hammer some of this in because you have been enabled to be irresponsible for so long. Yes, it would be great if we could all just spend our days in a hookah bar without a care in the world. But there is work to do - on our selves, on the collective level. We have to balance work and play, but first and foremost we have to take responsibility for our lives and actions.
You can't just take this philosophy and say "I knew how to use it once but now I'm helpless!" Now that you've read it, you own it, buddy. You have to use it. All of the books and materials are available online for free. Read them again. Apply them. Practice. Meditate. This is all stuff you can do for free in your bedroom, and it will help your life. I don't want to hear any excuses about why anything in this final section of my post is difficult for you to do. It's really not. Do it. Meditate every day. If you don't, you're not choosing to prioritize your spiritual development over the illusion daily, and you'll be stuck.
It seems to me like you've been helping perpetuate this adversarial relationship with your mother. When I was a teenager, I received $10 a week for lunch money, which would feed me 2-3 days, and that's it - PLUS I had nearly 2 hours of chores I had to do every day before I could spend time with my friends. I had to come home after school to complete them - the rules were that I couldn't do them before school. Having money to spend with friends was out of the picture - shoot, having friends was mostly out of the picture. And if I didn't complete my chores, my step mom would steal the cords to my computer - thereby eliminating contact with the rest of my friends.
While my situation was extreme, I don't think it's unreasonable for an adult to expect a teenager to contribute to the house in the form of chores, allowance or not. For you to act like you shouldn't need to contribute to the upkeep of your home by that age was a bit spoiled and entitled. Yes, your mother enabled this, but at any point in you life (past, present, or future) you could take the torch and make choices that are productive instead of destructive. For instance, you talk about what a horrible state your house is in currently - I mean, isn't that a reflection on the choice you made to not contribute to its upkeep? Can you say this is really entirely your mother's fault? When you decided it wasn't worth your effort to take care of your home without a monetary payment, you made the energetic decision that you would rather see your home falling apart than contributing for free.
The point I'm trying to make is that your choices have consequences because they are your choices, not entirely because they are somebody else's choices. For as long as you continue to blame others for your state of being, you will never be able to step beyond that.
Take me for an example. I share some of the trauma I've been through, and it's been pretty tough. But I don't use it to make me bitter or angry. I recognize the value in having struggles, because this is how humans develop empathy. I think back on my experiences, and try to learn them by reframing them. I try to use the weight of my struggles as stepping stones to a higher level of being, and not as burdens that keep pulling me under water. Obviously I am not perfect, and I struggle too, with depression and anxiety, still. But I can look back at where I was when I was your age and see what great strides I've made, and that's very important.
I feel like I have to hammer some of this in because you have been enabled to be irresponsible for so long. Yes, it would be great if we could all just spend our days in a hookah bar without a care in the world. But there is work to do - on our selves, on the collective level. We have to balance work and play, but first and foremost we have to take responsibility for our lives and actions.
You can't just take this philosophy and say "I knew how to use it once but now I'm helpless!" Now that you've read it, you own it, buddy. You have to use it. All of the books and materials are available online for free. Read them again. Apply them. Practice. Meditate. This is all stuff you can do for free in your bedroom, and it will help your life. I don't want to hear any excuses about why anything in this final section of my post is difficult for you to do. It's really not. Do it. Meditate every day. If you don't, you're not choosing to prioritize your spiritual development over the illusion daily, and you'll be stuck.