Balancing and processing repulsion

[sjel]

I have no answers as to how to resolve this conflict. What I do to deal with it is limit my exposure to this world, remain mindful and present in each situation as much as possible, and remember to breathe and stay centered in order to continue in a state of (compassionate) detachment. I just keep wrenching my focus, my inner dialogue, and my thoughts back to where I want them to be, which takes constant vigilance.  

Man, Diana, this whole post makes me feel especially secure in my tendency towards aversion to the world. I guess I do not have answers Night Owl, I spoke from a place that lacked in clarity. I pretty much echo what Diana says. Limit exposure to the abrasive energies of the world, but do face them.

For me personally it takes several days of meditation and mindful exercise to integrate and recover from events such as a baseball game with the family. The sheer quantity of minds congregated in one place, and with such lack of unity, is absolutely overwhelming. It took me a deep depression and all of last week to recover from a music festival that I went to with my dad. This world is effing intense. Really, really intense. Like I am surprised there aren't more people breaking down left and right. These energies are just too, too much sometimes. Just too much.

It just seems sometimes like we as entities just get hit over and over by increasingly difficult spiritual catalysts, until the breaking point. Then we recover, and heal, and integrate... only so that we might be strong enough to get slammed with another catalytic cement truck. And there is only a 1% part of you that is really supporting your whole being, that is telling you to carry on, be strong. This world is excruciatingly intense. I think it's time I can fully admit that.

Diana, your post sends a deep feeling of security through my weakened mind right now. ...Are we destined to be calloused and hardened creatures? I leave my house significantly less than any definition of normal, and still I am overwhelmed by the intensity of the world. I do not understand, do not understand at all, how people continue. And I am a people. Should I completely just allow myself to break down in public? Complete vulnerability at the grocery store? Is that what people need to start seeing? That we are all breaking down inside? I'm feeling less and less that I need to pretend.