The world, environment just feels poisonous, nonstop. And now I am poisonous myself.

[xise]

The roots of the poison are deep, very deep, in my heart, in my soul. My dad created poison within me and then I let it fester and seep into my heart. Now he's gone but I still carry and nurture the poison, share it with others. 

If you relate this to your family, when they are open to hearing you speak from the heart, I think it would help them understand you deeply.