A proposal

[Jade]

Jade, is it possible then to only do Service to Others? Ra says it's hard to hit 51% STO. But is it really that hard?

I've learned to choose to stay positive and send love to my mom when she's cursing up a storm.

She keeps telling me I will repeat 3D, that I am incompetent and such.

She plans to move out next year, but I fear that she might be getting into more than she can handle.

Many people would have kicked her out already. But even talking about her like this might be an STS action.

I've told her twice that I loved her as an adult, even when it was hard.

But if I let her walk over me, I may have to repeat those lessons, because standing up for myself is part of that.
But I don't want to go out and betray her.

I don't think it's possible to be 100% service to others. Ra says Carla approached 90% during the contact, and that was when her only effort at all was to be the instrument for the contact.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that when your mother says that you will repeat 3D, that she may be projecting. I believe you have graduated from 3D many many times before, Gem.

You're right; many people would have kicked her out already. Me? I ignore my mother's letters from prison. Not very selfless, is it? But at this point in my life, I have to protect myself from her, because she is truly one of the most conscious service to self people I've known in my real life. It's really easy for her, as my mother, to hijack my energy and use it for her purposes. I have to learn how to be me without her exerting her controlling influence over me. I hope that someday, when your mother moves out, that you are able to do that for yourself, too. She may not be able to handle living on her own, but if she wants to do it, and she gets out of your hair, I would take that as a blessing for you to be able to be your own person for a while, without her negative words confusing you all the time. You can't learn/teach for her - if she wants to continue to be mean and self destructive, and she wants to leave your house, then you have the blessing of the much less painful lesson of learning to love her from a distance.

Honestly, just your patience with your mother every single days proves your harvestability. You're right that most people would have kicked her out by now. But I don't think you're right that just talking about it with her is a STS action. We can't martyr ourselves into sickness, because we do have to serve ourselves a bit to be totally service to others. Creating space between you and your mother might be a bit of self service, yes, but it's hardly unwarranted in your situation. You have the right to not let people abuse you. Yes, it is a service to be that person, the one who takes their abuse and transmutes it into love, but those roles are going away because we are moving into 4th density. And, your mother is just practice - since you put up with so much from her, I'm sure you are able to look at the shenanigans of the rest of the world with more amusement and love than others are capable.