If you activate your green-ray too early, how do you repair the damage?

[ches]

Do you not think this event left you a little traumatised or shaken, and that it's possible - I'm just throwing ideas around - that you are just still somewhere in the depths of despair (PTSD).
Opening the heart again after it was trampled definitely takes time, but there comes a time when the heaviness starts to lift. It's different for everyone.
I wish you all the best in this challenging time.

Love this, and yes I think about this constantly... this ever-questioning of whether this 'wherever I am' is my "new normal" (to not feel anything) like an upgrade, or whether I am still in the depths of coming out of the trauma, that even though the "mania" is gone and I'm no longer trying to save everyone or seeing anything dark and I'm accepting where I am as part of the path, that the heart will return when I've 'done the work'.

Resonate a lot with that Ra quote... I shall probably start searching specifically for catalysts in the archives to see if there are more clues. I wonder maybe if I'm entering the new level now as I'm about to leave that job where it all played-out, leave this city that I'm in, leave my current living situation (they sold the house so we're all having this major-life-change at the same time) and move into the unknown, maybe this is the next catalyst opportunity.

It's possible because I still have to 'face' my catalyst everytime I go to work, and keep choosing forgiveness and acceptance and balance everytime I'm there, that this 'next phase' of life, with the total change of people and environment will offer new challenges and opportunities that may help me to trust again. I have progressed so much over the past couple of years and have started trusting my own intuition again (cos they aren't as manic), but just those 'missing feelings' whilst useful in re-gaining stability, just doesn't feel right to me.  

It's interesting in that Ra quote about the offering of new catalysts. Something happened a couple of months ago and my words were... wow, thank you universe for showing me that I can trust myself again. An identical situation with an identical archetype came into my life again and with this 'new me' that lives in my own integrity without the people-pleasing factor (always used to change myself to keep everyone happy, even to the detriment of my soul's values), was tested, and passed with flying colours, able to hold space for another without losing my own sense of self.  Ever-learning on this journey