How to bypass harvest?

[Mahakali]

The latter half of the quote sounds like hope--hope for a streamlined path of spiritual development.

Maybe. But "hope" isn't the right word. It's difficult to explain what I mean. It's strength born of an extreme hopelessness; at its core, it's quite the opposite.

Anyways I would be patient with yourself. It doesn't have to be solved in this one life. You don't have to forgive, or get over it, or even heal it in this life. Its possible you are still building up to the time you will do something in another life and all this pain is necessary as gross as that sounds. You are diving deep which is scary and unchartered so how could anyone else know the way through till you find it. Perhaps in 2 or 3 more lives, or the very end of this one(anything is possible) you will have sat with it so long to have learned something one who hadn't explored the pain in that way could not have learned.

Anyways Im sorry I do not have a solution for you but I am certain you will find it. If as you say you created this I have no doubt there is a path laid out before you even if you cannot see it. Be well, actually be exactly as you feel your path requires.

Thanks. I will find it.

I think it's a very LHP thing I did, the reasons behind it. It was almost too much for me to take.

Most of the things I've been through bother me very little, and would be easy to move on from, but one relationship... But I allowed that to be ruined because I wanted the power that came from the bitterness.

But I couldn't make up my mind, and it blew up in my face.

But nothing ever gives the the hope I could be normal, or happy, or even remotely okay... Even when I get glimpses of things I could be successful doing, of ways I could live and things I could have...

There's nothing deep down but an empty, bitter laughter.

I can still complete the black alchemy if I set my mind to it.

And the only things that could save me don't seem to want me, so perhaps I should go for it. Even if it's risky, even if the moralfags don't understand it, even the if the enslavers fear it; my soul knows what it wants.

There's only one way now, and I did what I did because I knew that it would make things that way.

I have no option but to finish what I started, and god help anyone who gets in my way. Even if they mean well; interfere and you'll be entangled for lifetimes with my karma; this is a spiritual mixture you don't want any aggressive contact with.