I feel as if I am slowly, brick by brick, rebuilding my sense of self, extending roots down into my sacral chakra. Right now I can feel my orange chakra very clearly, extremely clearly - it feels like one of those styrofoam cups that was compressed 20x at deep sea. Very small, shrunken, easily malleable - but very dense. It is as if my energy is having to travel through a thick spongy material, right in the center of the cross section of my body, two inches below the belly button.
An extremely unique and deeply comforting thing happened today. The energy that compresses my orange chakra into a tiny shriveled raisin sometimes aligns so noticeably that I will become completely ensnared in it, utterly unable to distinguish a sense of self separate from the intense, stagnating, negativity. But this time, there was some strong, slow heave of my inner will, and I perceived that no center exists in this negativity. Upon realizing this, the gloopy, thick, black depressive sludge cracked open to reveal a hot, crystal clear ray of light. (I don't know if you've seen Spirited Away, but the experience reminds me of this scene right here.)
Right now my orange chakra feels like a crushed coffee cup under deep sea pressure, like always, However there is a certain glow that was not there before. A glow that is coming from within ME, from within ME, I can't hardly believe it, there is finally a source of SELF that I can faintly perceive, oh so faintly, and it's ME - I haven't felt a sense of self, a sense of Being apart from the insane disharmony of mind in years. Definitely several years, at least.
I can't believe how difficult it is to clear my orange chakra. Like it has become the literal only thing I think about. This intensity is so overwhelming. There is an unexplainable sense of peace that shines through it when I look very hard, but damn it is so dense and intense!
This music I made EXACTLY describes a certain feeling I've had the last couple days, much better than words can: https://soundcloud.com/sjel-1/room-2
An extremely unique and deeply comforting thing happened today. The energy that compresses my orange chakra into a tiny shriveled raisin sometimes aligns so noticeably that I will become completely ensnared in it, utterly unable to distinguish a sense of self separate from the intense, stagnating, negativity. But this time, there was some strong, slow heave of my inner will, and I perceived that no center exists in this negativity. Upon realizing this, the gloopy, thick, black depressive sludge cracked open to reveal a hot, crystal clear ray of light. (I don't know if you've seen Spirited Away, but the experience reminds me of this scene right here.)
Right now my orange chakra feels like a crushed coffee cup under deep sea pressure, like always, However there is a certain glow that was not there before. A glow that is coming from within ME, from within ME, I can't hardly believe it, there is finally a source of SELF that I can faintly perceive, oh so faintly, and it's ME - I haven't felt a sense of self, a sense of Being apart from the insane disharmony of mind in years. Definitely several years, at least.
I can't believe how difficult it is to clear my orange chakra. Like it has become the literal only thing I think about. This intensity is so overwhelming. There is an unexplainable sense of peace that shines through it when I look very hard, but damn it is so dense and intense!
This music I made EXACTLY describes a certain feeling I've had the last couple days, much better than words can: https://soundcloud.com/sjel-1/room-2
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