If they are happy-ish why want anyone to awaken?

[Glow]

I think my awakening has led me down some painful paths. As if the journey itself isn’t hard enough, usually it’s a pretty isolated trip.

Today I was talking to a friend who sleeps.
He stays busy and drinks to drown out the thoughts and feelings he doesn’t want to face. I’ve always thought that was the wrong choice but life is hard. even to people who consciously face their wounds and change their lives.

It’s not like it’s some cure for all of life’s ailments.

Today I actually told him to keep doing it if it works. I don’t want him to feel what I have gone through. I’m not sure he’d make it, I’m not sure I will make it, and I don’t want him to suffer more. So I told him to keep doing what he’s doing. Never thought I’d ever say that. I’ve always said the opposite. His response was “well I don’t know how much longer it will work” and that scared me. I always wanted him to be with me through this but the thought of him facing this stuff is not what I want for him.

I’ve become close to my best self, I’m free, kind, compassionate, nonjudgmental, loving etc but I’m still here, still aware of this separate-ness we cannot really escape in life. If I drank maybe I could wash it away for a while, perhaps if I worked really really hard I could take trips and keep myself so distracted with activity that I can’t feel it. But yeah then I’m asleep.

What is the point of being awake if you can sleep comfortably?
Obviously I couldn’t sleep hence why I’m here but for those that can why not?