How seriously do you take the Law of One? How has it effected you?

[Minyatur]

I don't want to be an adept the way everyone here thinks of an adept.  The only adeptness I want is to live the day to day magic of just being, no ritual, no rapid polarization, no work in consciousness.  Just seeing Creator, Love, and Infinity in everything.  Nothing more, nothing less, from that point I'll figure it out if I want there to be more or less.

Well I think that's really what adepthood is all about, and that's also what the Ra material puts the emphasis upon, just like it is what they said they were the messengers of.

What you described above is the essence of of being. The only reason the material speaks of polarity is because it is a natural aspect of what you are and which is ever present in you. The archetypes are tools to find stability in the chaos of life, to see the patterns through situations. Maybe the tarot wasn't what you needed and something like astrology could do? In astrology I think are the keys to understand the ways of feeling manifest through people, then it is hard to hold anything against anyone because you see the forces at play and their weight. Little of our body is how we think of our body, the universe is our body and the personality of each mirrors a play of its essences.

Is it that I just care too much? What's going on here?

I think it's just that you don't want to release the way you feel about certain things. Each is drawn to what they are drawn and the idea that free will is paramount is not a fancy idea to act good but a very profound aspect of reality.

The hell you found mirrors your seeking more than the material and even if the material wasn't there, there are many other sources of light to achieve the same energetic states.