Hey Desynched, thanks for sharing in such depth about your experiences. Please don't regret sharing. I think it's important to have a place to express experiences like that where you can be heard and understood in a non-judgmental atmosphere. I've had plenty of times where I look back on something I wrote on the internet and I'm like "Oh man... that was me?" I'm sure we all have. But it's kind of a necessary learning experience.
After reading what you wrote, I'm still not sure what it was exactly you did that was "something extremely embarrassing in front of my parents, and cause them to question my sanity."
But it seems like in testing the limits of free will, you tested their free will as well. It sounds like there was an element of facing your own fears in there as well.
What you said here caught my eye:
I can't imagine what it would be like to have to go in for a clinical diagnosis. To me, what you wrote above suggests that your diagnosis is a sort of label that helps you to make sense of an experience you chose to open with your own free will, but it perhaps doesn't explain what caused you to be in the position where that choice was an attractive one. One thing that sticks out to me about your story is the layers and layers of metacognition, especially during the time you felt even the TV program was an internal monologue. You see that a lot in altered states of consciousness caused by psychadelics too. And we know that it's possible to reach such states through mental discipline and meditation, so maybe it's possible you changed your state of consciousness in the moment. Kundalini awakening carries all sorts of weird symptoms with it as well, so that's something to keep in mind, especially since so many people on the planet seem to be experiencing spontaneous kundalini awakening right now.
I would think that before settling on any kind of self-diagnosis, I would also attempt to contact a healer who works on emotional levels as well, such as a Reiki healer or another kind of healing therapy which takes into account the emotional body's contribution to mental wellbeing. Then when you have more information, you can get a more balanced picture. And remember that we move through phases in life according to the catalyst we're experiencing and the state of our energy centers (being open, blocked, overactive, underactive, etc.) so a diagnosis doesn't have to be permanent in any fashion.
On another note, I found this 280 page document published this year which seems to be more or less an effort to do the same thing I'm doing here in this thread - compile information about the negative agenda on this planet and what needs to be done to balance it. I haven't delved into the entire thing yet, but I'll share it here, and put it in the links section of the second post as well:
https://www.scribd.com/document/36463571...-the-World
P.S. There's a pretty interesting note by the author on page 283.
After reading what you wrote, I'm still not sure what it was exactly you did that was "something extremely embarrassing in front of my parents, and cause them to question my sanity."
But it seems like in testing the limits of free will, you tested their free will as well. It sounds like there was an element of facing your own fears in there as well.
What you said here caught my eye:
Quote:I have a conflicting belief that what I experienced was experienced for deeper reasons, and of my own volition. That my diagnosis was agreed upon by myself and the world for convenience, and a limitation i don't mind having to make sense of things.
I can't imagine what it would be like to have to go in for a clinical diagnosis. To me, what you wrote above suggests that your diagnosis is a sort of label that helps you to make sense of an experience you chose to open with your own free will, but it perhaps doesn't explain what caused you to be in the position where that choice was an attractive one. One thing that sticks out to me about your story is the layers and layers of metacognition, especially during the time you felt even the TV program was an internal monologue. You see that a lot in altered states of consciousness caused by psychadelics too. And we know that it's possible to reach such states through mental discipline and meditation, so maybe it's possible you changed your state of consciousness in the moment. Kundalini awakening carries all sorts of weird symptoms with it as well, so that's something to keep in mind, especially since so many people on the planet seem to be experiencing spontaneous kundalini awakening right now.
I would think that before settling on any kind of self-diagnosis, I would also attempt to contact a healer who works on emotional levels as well, such as a Reiki healer or another kind of healing therapy which takes into account the emotional body's contribution to mental wellbeing. Then when you have more information, you can get a more balanced picture. And remember that we move through phases in life according to the catalyst we're experiencing and the state of our energy centers (being open, blocked, overactive, underactive, etc.) so a diagnosis doesn't have to be permanent in any fashion.
On another note, I found this 280 page document published this year which seems to be more or less an effort to do the same thing I'm doing here in this thread - compile information about the negative agenda on this planet and what needs to be done to balance it. I haven't delved into the entire thing yet, but I'll share it here, and put it in the links section of the second post as well:
https://www.scribd.com/document/36463571...-the-World
P.S. There's a pretty interesting note by the author on page 283.
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)