Will you come back?

[rva_jeremy]

To me, it's completely unclear how much the incarnate personality ostensibly typing this message overlaps with the entity that is planning my incarnations. I tend to think that "I" am a bunch of different things, between my time/space self, my higher self, my past selves that have their own constructs of personality, the totality to which I am returning, and me, Jeremy, the person I'm dreaming I am right now. So who's to say? Certainty is not our lot, but here's my approach:

The ego, the yellow-ray personality that is the avatar or representative of my totality into third density, is an instrument. The instrument can only operate effectively if it is part of the medium it seeks to operate upon; in this case, the instrument is my body complex entangled with my veiled mind complex that allows for physical experience, appearance of the subject/object dynamic, etc. Within the rules of the material illusion, things naturally dissipate into chaos without energy and intelligence input; therefore, this instrument has as its core feature the ability to create the appearance of permanence and stability in a time-dilated, continually-in-flux, materially-realized dialectic.

All of that is to say: there's a lot about my ego, my sense of self, my personality that is designed to make the illusion tractable. Can I really trust that what I'd want as an incarnate being has anything at all to do with what I want as a totality?. Think of it like a car's check engine light: the car is a construct that aspires to a certain kind of efficiency as its sensors can measure, but I as the driver just want to go somewhere, and the car's "wishes" (perhaps its telos) are only a means to an end.

So what can I really say about what the "total I" wants? The more I ponder this, the more I think that what would drive future incarnations is a series of concerns that I can only understand by making an analogy with third density concerns like growth and learning. But it must be more nuanced than that. It must!