I'm choosing the negative path.

[Sacred Fool]

I have a long and traumatic history that I have alluded to at times on here before. I have previously experimented with dark magick and I have alienated, hurt, and scared many people during times where I have lost control of myself. I am not a violent person, but there are many former friends, acquaintances, and strangers, who likely currently assume that I am in jail, institutionalized, or dead.

This makes attempting to feel any sort of unity or oneness with others extremely difficult for me. Deep down, I still feel animosity towards those who have hurt me as well.

I can see how your decision might feel like you're just going with the flow of things.  On the other hand, you may be trying to get out of a hole by digging yourself further in.

For future reference, the wormhole out of there is located in your own heart.  It can be difficult to approach, due to various personal factors, but it never goes away.  It is eminently patient.