I'm choosing the negative path.

[DungBeetle]

I've made up my mind. This is just a goodbye and an affirmation.

It feels dark and cold and scary, but I'm interested in seeing where my consciousness can go. It gives me a reason for my pain that I can accept. I prefer feeling this way by intention over random suffering.

One does not just decide to be a stock broker/person one day. It takes a lot of stabbing just to get to that level. Lots of stabbing = lots of karma. To me it seems you've been feeding this negativity your whole life. If that is the case, than of course nothing will get better. Cosmic law is just and I have seen it 180 in my life by making the right choices. It really does work. Cosmic law has no flaws.

Either way I wish you the best on which ever path you choose. When I started doing right (and THINKING RIGHT), the changes started happening very quickly. Within 1-2 months. I assume the process of the changes starts almost immediately but not enough to notice at first. But it will happen if you are sincere and put in the correct thoughts/work.