Barred from Intiation?

[Glow]

I am writing this post because I’ve been so excited and inspired this year, and now that flame has been squelched... I will explain.

I have been interested in joining a white magical Order since I was 17, so for about 9 years. Initiation into a magical order has certain requirements and preconditions. I understand why those with neurosis are barred from joining an Order. I understand that if one has physical problems, like heart trouble, that he would present a danger to himself and those around him.
The particular Order I am interested in has a more enlightened attitude that others I’ve seen. Yes still, homosexuals are barred from joining the order. Why?

It is also true that many homosexuals whether male or female who are genuinely so by temperament, and not as a result of neurosis, do in fact become highly neurotic through the circumstances of rejection and persecution in which they frequently find themselves, even in some cases from childhood. The A.’.S.’. would have to exclude these people from membership, simply as sufferers from neurosis: it can however and does add its voice to the call for a more enlightened public opinion to end their ostracism.

From my personal experiences, being homosexual has not been problematic. I was not picked on as a kid for being gay. Nor do I experience rejection and persecution in my daily life for being homosexual. This book was written in 1975 though. Things are quite different now than they were then for homosexuals.

Anyway, I feel... lost now. What’s the point in my study and practice then? Why am I barred from formal Initiation?

I am interested in following the Way of Return by way of the Qabalah. It is the most resonant system to me. I want to work with Practical Qabalah. One really needs a group for sphereworking and pathworkings. Not to mention the guidance of an experienced adept.

I feel very dismayed right now. I have been so inspired and motivated this year and then this suddenly hits me from out of nowhere.... I feel hurt and lost. I thought that I had truly found something for me... A group of like-minded people with the same goals and intentions as I do.  Where do I go now? What am I to do? I need help in getting in contact with my guides. I need guidance right now.

Can I say your reach can go higher than a group that is limited in such ways. In many cultures the best healers are those who have struggled with a form of neurosis. It is often what drives them toward healing and then to heal others.

Can you take this as a sign post that you need to seek a more open/bigger picture seeing group to work with?

Also I think personally the days of formal systems are limited, or running out. Take what you can and evolve it further.

  kri.png (Size: 348.11 KB / Downloads: 3)
http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/about-krish...speech.php

Could you find another way to get the knowledge you seek and yet not have to be influenced by the dogma of a group?
I would say this is your sign you are being led on a less chartered path.

Personally I have started learning from a group that has greatly helped me. My soul guidance often shuts it down though when I am getting a lesson that is incomplete or incompatible, or ruled by ego/dogma. We aren't on a path. We are finding new ones.

I hope you find your path soon, don't lose hope. I'm sure it has not all been years of work for nothing.