05-20-2018, 11:40 AM
I'm sorry for the pain and struggle that you're going through, I wish there was some way I could help you other than share my thoughts distortions with you. I'm fairly young to spiritual growth, so my suffering is quite minute, in my opinion. But I've had some times where I was very suicidal, and would hurt myself physically and mentally. At the end all that led me or my thoughts to just collapse. And I would end up praying for guidance, crying endlessly, surrendering to God, , higher power, higher self, humanity, earth, even to the rays of the sun. And that surrender is what started to transform me, my thoughts and my perspectives. I was still in pain, but I had something to cling to. Find what little joy, love, passion, light at the end of the tunnel that you have in your reality and love that, become that, believe that. You deserve to feel good, you deserve to love and smile. You deserve to transform the karma that you believe you soak up and heal that through you, through your will to live, to love, and to be who you are.