Regarding the nature of light.

[GentleReckoning]

You are attempting to individuate in a society that has slid into a highly STS state (in shadow).

You're probably like extremely STO, possibly 100%.

But to create, you challenge every other yellow ray for status as you are 'healthier' on a soul level. This is due to the distortion that is money and it's tendency to accumulate with those that are corrupt and highly belligerent.

So your soul has to A. somehow manage to serve or benefit those that are in power. The negative elite. Maintaining the yellow ray distortion.

Or B. Bounce between STO and STS as it generates and balances the light necessary to create from a place of heightened love/light and intelligence.

This is because the healthier individual (aka the individual that cannot be removed from it's core truth) will always create better outcomes than those that are disconnected from their truth. This causes the more connected individual to passively draw power from those that are less connected. Reality manifests this struggle through depression, BPD, basically mental illness.