A story I didn't want to share.

[One of Love]

I just have to laugh real fast.  I've been wondering what other accounts he made here, just found it.  He really likes his first story character.

Did you know the name Van from his name actually was inspired by his favorite shoe brand, Vans?

Does anyone know if he had any other accounts??

Honestly not sure if this is a stupid or bad question.
Would it be impossible to unlock those accounts (with his permission first of course) to go through his PM's?  I'm fairly certain I know what password he used here  at least for his CA account but if not I think I can get them out of him.

If you get his permission why go through the PMs? Just ask him.

I think what you are doing is kind, but you should focus more on him now rather him of then.

Lend your ear to listen to him, be a shoulder to lean for him, and a kind heart to warm him up.

I believe, in time he will open up to you and tell you all about the adventures that he has had.

If you dig up too much without his permission who knows how it will affect him.  :-/

Oh my lord, I didn't even think about that.  Or That!!

I am spending every day with him now, as long as I can.  He knows I care deeply for him as of this afternoon and...

I am embarrassed.  I can sit with abusive people and not be bothered by them, but you sit me in front of CA and I go timid until he starts getting uppity, then I nurture, but I'm too afraid to tell him how I feel because I don't want to be rejected by him.  In that same light, I'm timid about telling him I'm here because I worry if it will upset or worry him somehow.  But the longer I keep this from him will probably make a potential bad outcome worse.

I will consider asking him about his PM's once I work up the nerve to tell him I'm here.

(Oh god just thinking about how to tell him is making me sweat!) (Do I say I joined to find out what's hurting him? How do you even tell someone you're stalking their old forum activity on a spiritual site to discovery what it was that is hurting them so bad to this day??)

-panicking-

Ahhhhh what if just doing this behind his back makes him feel like he can't trust me?!!  I did not think this through...  I was being too selfish.  I need to tell him today.

I'll make sure to pass on the messages some of you asked of me, if he takes it well.

@Aion
(Sorry for not quoting)

Your analogy sounds good to me, but I can assure you I'm indifferent about this place with a bias towards disliking it.  When you read a 48 page (twenty of which belonged to his last attempt) novel of him monologing the reasons he's killing himself and ten of those pages were his struggles with what he picked up from 'B4' including such things like saying 'she told me about her friend who committed suicide in a beautiful place and made me realize killing myself in a garage was akin to dying in a cage of darkness, she showed me how I should kill myself, and she never seemed bothered by her helping me, maybe she didn't realize but considering how dark she felt about herself I'm sure she knew what she was doing by telling me what she did.'

You can't exactly blame me for being biased the way I am.  Pages of screaming incoherently in writing about immorality, catalyst, polarity, creator, with it all coming down to experiences that painted him here that he vaguely described focusing on the content instead.  Typing in all caps about how free will is a lie and life is an excuse to torture the self for the souls gain at the selfs loss and how that was a proof due to the balance in that logic.  You could tell it was a mental breakdown because his logic was gone, replaced with his beliefs that tear him apart.

I will not blame this place however, only hold it partially responsible, there is no blame to be handed out here.  I am not here to blame, I am here to facilitate his healing by discovering the beliefs he has that he WON'T share (he says he doesn't want me to follow the same things he ended up following), so he gives me his pre2015 understanding he had and refuses to explain his current beliefs unless they align with what he wanted me to take away.  I've had to piece it together from the parts he's revealed to me accidentally from his outbursts.  I've been patient and respected his wishes, but it's time to learn what kind of monstrous things he has going on inside of him that he'd see himself only as bad when he's extremely far from it.

I won't need to PM steppingfeet (funny name lol), I should probably respect other's privacy and just ask him.

If you could help me out by showing me any posts of his you think might help my endeavor, it'd speed things up a lot for me.  A lot of his posts do show me he loved this place, he shared himself to an embarrassing degree here.

So Van, TPP, and CA are the only accounts.  Okay!