odd feeling- feeling like I have packed up my stuff to go home

[Glow]

I envy that Agua in a sort of friendly way that you don't buy things you don't need.

I have a bad habit of buying things I don't need. I owe like $10000 in credit cards because they were no interest for 18 months.

I also owe student loans and a mortgage.

I don't know why I don't have self control.

It's what the whole world does. The world says it will fix things, you need that, to look better, feel validated, to make your life exciting or complete or just better.
Then things don't and they sit, or a new thing comes along that takes attention, people find something new to obsess over this a thing or achievement. It is strange.

I am free of that now, but I did my time buying stuff too.

I just purged my basement of things from years back, gave it all away and one item at a time I could recall how it effected me emotionally to get.
It validated me, or I thought it would help me become what I wished I was, or it made me look the part I was trying to be, make me fit the picture
acceptable in other peoples heads.

So much wasted $, honestly so much taken from the earth to produce these things I didn't need, so many hours worked to pay for these things.

Once you are free, it becomes ever clearer it's like some hypnosis the whole world is under.
The dream I am not enough and I need to make myself acceptable. Karma

Don't beat yourself up over it. It is part of the path, till we 100% understand it isn't anymore.