nothing important

[AnthroHeart]

Nowheretoday, you speak to me as well.
The illusion is very heavy I agree. There is so much love that I don't feel.
I feel very much unloved in real life, though I know others on this board enjoy my presence.

But it's difficult if not impossible to surround myself with other spiritual people,
because the people in my life are deceitful, lying, greedy, and vindictive. They'll try to sue anyone they can to get money.
And I don't get any help. Even when I was paying $400/month to someone who was living with me, they didn't help me by
giving me any of it back for staying here. It was complicated. Then when her dog wandered off she wanted to shoot a police
officer because he had said he had seen him the night before.

It's draining on me, and making me bitter. I try to have more love, but I don't see any reward for the love. And I am tired.
I know you are too. We probably all are. It's hard when you're with someone who loves serial killers and horror films,
and talks about how Hollywood is all transgenders and satanic child-sacrificing people. Someone who is so much into the
evil that people do. I don't like it, but I can't just kick out a disabled person. But I don't know how much more I can take.
I do see a therapist and psychiatrist. Something she doesn't even do. She claims disability but won't seek help.

My dog is all I have and she yearns for the day he dies. She says how she'd love to take a hammer to his head.
He did kill 3 of her ferrets, that were her fault for getting out of her room. She's bitter, and i'm afraid it's rubbing off on me.

I'm not her caregiver, and she thinks it's my job to take her to all her doctor appointments. She expects that I pay her to live with me,
and wouldn't even pay me a cent when I was paying her when I needed it. Now I'm nearly broke.

I'm just tired of this satanic s***.