Love is on the other side of Anger

[Tae]

So what do I do with all this pain? What do I do with all this disappointment? PLEASE don't tell me to feel it in my body or just let it go or some hippy dippy feel good bullshit. BECAUSE HANDLING IT BY DOING THAT s*** DOESN'T HAVE ANY MEANING TO ME. It just doesn't resonate.

Oh, I guarantee feeling it in your body is not hippy dippy feel good, in fact, it feels AWFUL.

Look, man, I'm not going to give you any spiritual advice here. I had my best friend cut all ties with me via text and refuse any and all further communication. I still periodically have nightmares about her and her family. It's now 2019. She cut ties with me at the end of 2012. I didn't just "get over it", even though I'm pretty spiritually competent now I was NOT then and it devastated me.

It was the catalyst I needed to get off my ass and move to a new location (I did, in Feb of 2013. I no longer had any reason to stay in that town if my best friend had rejected me). I'm still a tiny bit twitchy about it. I still have trouble trusting my friends to not up and betray years of friendship. It destroyed my ability to find any relationships at the time of my life where I was supposed to be doing that, but whatever, in retrospect I realized I tailored a lot of my life to be "safe" from the things that would offend her, down to my writing, the hobbies I selected, etc, and if I had found myself a relationship in that headspace, I would have done exactly the same thing rather than going through the development which resulted in my awakening. I know you're already awake, but who knows what 6 full years of retrospect may bring you for insight into this situation and the result.

Nothing anyone says or does to you will make you feel better. Unfortunately this is a task all for you and it might take seemingly ages. You just have to be in it and get through it whatever way possible and maybe, MAYBE on the other side, you'll realize there was some benefit to the catalyst after all.

Be angry if you need to, but not at us. Don't get mad if advice doesn't work, it's all offered in love and support.

(hugs)