Love is on the other side of Anger

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So what do I do with all this pain? What do I do with all this disappointment? PLEASE don't tell me to feel it in my body or just let it go or some hippy dippy feel good bullshit. BECAUSE HANDLING IT BY DOING THAT s*** DOESN'T HAVE ANY MEANING TO ME. It just doesn't resonate.

Oh, you're in pain because you've been coldly cast out by somebody who didn't value you enough to think you were worth it? Even though you loved them deeply? Just let it go.

WELL I CAN'T. Because "just" letting it go carries NO FUCKIN MEANING TO ME. NONE. It doesn't resolve anything. And I can't pretend there's nothing to resolve. BECAUSE YES THERE IS.

Maybe this is what Ra meant when he said the 5th density wanderers perceived an overabundance of love on Venus?

Letting go without understanding...

I can let go of the resentment now, but what about this pain?

Excuse me for being a bit blunt, but I've been seeing you bring this up many times and seem to have a real struggle that, at least to an extend, want to move away from.

Highlighted that line because I think it touches nicely what the "issue" is, which is, that you are feeling exactly how you want to feel.

If you want to move away from the pain, then you have to turn toward yourself in self-honesty in distilling why you have an abnormal dependency upon another to the point of suffering and seeing your love turn to resentment. You feel unwhole with yourself and while others can help you learn to feel whole, it remains something that you will have to find within and that won't truly ever be satisfied by another. Catalysts, such as what you are living, are often, to an extent, necessary to grow as an individual by not relying upon another.

I think in the first thread from you I read I wanted to tell you that you seem a lot like a friend of mine that had lost his girlfriend and who had a lot of resentment and that what I told him is that she never owed him anything and that he's been gravely unbalanced in his relationship. That she had a need and came to the point that she had to act upon it. To be honest, that friend got back with her but remains clearly unwell because he failed to accept the events. Why did he fail to accept the events? because he's unconcerned with her and makes it all about himself while holding to see the negative sides of things. Her value is nothing beyond how he feels satisfied in having her and he fails at loving her as the actual individual she is.

Moral of the story, no ones owes you anything and everyone is within the same game of confusion and self-discovery. You are not actually bound to remain dependent upon anyone to be well, but to see that you need to turn to yourself and stop finding blame in others because that clearly helps you in no way. If your friend moved away from you, she probably had a need for it, if you view her as your friend, then you should ponder why you are unconcerned about her well being and make it all about what it means for you that she, perhaps, made a healthy choice for herself.

I value a lot lightness in friendship and a lack of expectations. Last summer, I had a phase where I had to distill my own need to distance myself from that friend because he's a whole lot negative on a lot of things and while he's been my best friend for a very long time, he isn't much healthy to be around and trying to help him does little when he clings to how he feels. I found that this was deep rooted for me in time/space and was hard to get to, but at some point your sole and only role is to do what is healthy for yourself. Sometimes, the only way to actually help someone is to let them be on their own, avoiding it fails at helping them all the while it lasts, because had you distanced yourself 10 years earlier or 10 years later they'd probably process it the exact same way because you have kept them from growing while allowing yourself to be weighted upon.

Don't see this as an attack, I really write this from self found in self to self found in other-self.
You should probably consider that she may have ended up offering what you really needed most.

I know she owes me nothing, and I don't resent her anymore for what happened. I know posts from only several months ago are still, in the overall grand scheme of things, pretty recent, but a lot of perspective can change in several months.

I don't see this as an attack, but I don't feel you're saying anything I don't already know.