02-22-2019, 08:42 PM
Thank you for sharing, SkyGodWarrior.
I really do appreciate your ability to be so candid about your personal world. I hope I can break out of my shell as much as you have someday
I have recently let go of an entity attached inside my mind. I was fooling myself into thinking it was a dark side I had. After letting it go, I have began to drastically change every day for a week. First, my super dry skin and acne immediately disappeared. But the immediate effect I noticed was a clear and quiet mind, and being able to go until midnight if I'm interested in something to keep me awake that long. Before, I'd get drowsy by dinner time.
Not only this, but my childhood memories rushed back into me. Before I let go of this entity as a "dark side" to myself, I had detached my identity from my childhood. It was like I just decided my childhood memories from before the age of 14 didn't matter or contribute to who I am now. Since I think of music so much, my analogy is that it was like I was in a very limiting "equalizer" that only let certain frequencies of my personality shine through.
Since then... Each day, more memories flooded back in crystal clarity. I remember in crystal-clear detail memories from age ~10 or so, when my father took us to a rollercoaster vacation. One memory that was in super clear detail, rivaling waking experience, was when we ate dinner at an Applebee's near the beach. I remember the playlist in those muffled speakers were playing only The Beach Boys. I remember staring at my club sandwich, remembering once again that I always order a club sandwich thinking it's something else... and trying not to admit to myself I'm a picky eater, knowing my dad will scold me for not finishing my food. I remember the speed of the fans in that restaurant slowly turning the air like a melting pot of emotion. I remember the sun setting over the ocean, filtered by random objects and landmarks littered between the open doors and windows of the restaurant and myself. And this was just one of the crystal clear memories I was experiencing.
I often compose music, but really I like to say I channel my music. After experiencing a feeling or experience I want to share, and that words will do little justice, a song with rich detail and a full score of instruments are summoned in my mind. I always wanted to share these things instead of simply humming them, even as a child. I cannot claim to say I sat down and used music theory to come up with them! One night long after all these events, after having to excuse myself from a meeting with a group of my college friends early, I had a song playing in my head unscripted and un-announced. It was 'fuzzy', and it wasn't very detailed. I couldn't get a good idea of it, but I knew the feeling that it wanted to be expressed as.
When I got home I put all my plans on hold to ensure I don't forget this feeling and to write it into music. I ended up making a song that I was going to title "until next time", because it was a feeling of longing and bittersweet farewell. The motifs, chord progression, key signature, and everything were spot on the same as a famous song most people know of. Later that night, after finishing the rough draft for the melody and accompianament, I tried meditating; the small area around me (at arm's length) was frigid-cold. Yet my apartment's thermostat was set to warm! I meditated to get a sense of what was nearby. I had visions of standing in a bathtub, dripping from my ears. The feeling I had was like a cold sigh; wishing I could worry about what I can do now, but it's too late for that? It was difficult to describe.
Around this time, I started to hear the introduction in crystal detail to Cranberries - Linger. This was exactly the same key, motif, chord progression I was channeling to write! Cranberries did it so much better, let me tell you. Here's their music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
However, instead of remembering the music video, I was remembering it playing in the car my mom was driving us in to Sea World. My parents had divorced at a young age, and she was barely able to keep her head financially above water. She had managed to scrape together enough money to take her children to a vacation. She really wanted to make a meaningful memory of her relationship with her children, and worried about being able to afford to do so. I remember staring out the window at the beach front as we were driving; and through an empty desert with a random billboard sign advertising a local street-magic show.
It was so profound. I looked up where the Cranberrie's came up with the song to find that the singer died almost exactly a year ago to that day. 1 year and 8 days before this happened, the lead singer had died from drowning.
I am sorry for derailing the thread. I hope this gives context on the very real rewards you can reap by going in this direction. My 'cornerstone' moved from my 14 year old self back to this life's earliest childhood memories. I am not a different person. Instead, I relate to more genres of music than I did in the last 20 years. I regained my social skills. I gained my compassion back. And I am not the kid from back then; instead I simply let the poor guy out of his cage.
I really do appreciate your ability to be so candid about your personal world. I hope I can break out of my shell as much as you have someday
I have recently let go of an entity attached inside my mind. I was fooling myself into thinking it was a dark side I had. After letting it go, I have began to drastically change every day for a week. First, my super dry skin and acne immediately disappeared. But the immediate effect I noticed was a clear and quiet mind, and being able to go until midnight if I'm interested in something to keep me awake that long. Before, I'd get drowsy by dinner time.
Not only this, but my childhood memories rushed back into me. Before I let go of this entity as a "dark side" to myself, I had detached my identity from my childhood. It was like I just decided my childhood memories from before the age of 14 didn't matter or contribute to who I am now. Since I think of music so much, my analogy is that it was like I was in a very limiting "equalizer" that only let certain frequencies of my personality shine through.
Since then... Each day, more memories flooded back in crystal clarity. I remember in crystal-clear detail memories from age ~10 or so, when my father took us to a rollercoaster vacation. One memory that was in super clear detail, rivaling waking experience, was when we ate dinner at an Applebee's near the beach. I remember the playlist in those muffled speakers were playing only The Beach Boys. I remember staring at my club sandwich, remembering once again that I always order a club sandwich thinking it's something else... and trying not to admit to myself I'm a picky eater, knowing my dad will scold me for not finishing my food. I remember the speed of the fans in that restaurant slowly turning the air like a melting pot of emotion. I remember the sun setting over the ocean, filtered by random objects and landmarks littered between the open doors and windows of the restaurant and myself. And this was just one of the crystal clear memories I was experiencing.
I often compose music, but really I like to say I channel my music. After experiencing a feeling or experience I want to share, and that words will do little justice, a song with rich detail and a full score of instruments are summoned in my mind. I always wanted to share these things instead of simply humming them, even as a child. I cannot claim to say I sat down and used music theory to come up with them! One night long after all these events, after having to excuse myself from a meeting with a group of my college friends early, I had a song playing in my head unscripted and un-announced. It was 'fuzzy', and it wasn't very detailed. I couldn't get a good idea of it, but I knew the feeling that it wanted to be expressed as.
When I got home I put all my plans on hold to ensure I don't forget this feeling and to write it into music. I ended up making a song that I was going to title "until next time", because it was a feeling of longing and bittersweet farewell. The motifs, chord progression, key signature, and everything were spot on the same as a famous song most people know of. Later that night, after finishing the rough draft for the melody and accompianament, I tried meditating; the small area around me (at arm's length) was frigid-cold. Yet my apartment's thermostat was set to warm! I meditated to get a sense of what was nearby. I had visions of standing in a bathtub, dripping from my ears. The feeling I had was like a cold sigh; wishing I could worry about what I can do now, but it's too late for that? It was difficult to describe.
Around this time, I started to hear the introduction in crystal detail to Cranberries - Linger. This was exactly the same key, motif, chord progression I was channeling to write! Cranberries did it so much better, let me tell you. Here's their music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
However, instead of remembering the music video, I was remembering it playing in the car my mom was driving us in to Sea World. My parents had divorced at a young age, and she was barely able to keep her head financially above water. She had managed to scrape together enough money to take her children to a vacation. She really wanted to make a meaningful memory of her relationship with her children, and worried about being able to afford to do so. I remember staring out the window at the beach front as we were driving; and through an empty desert with a random billboard sign advertising a local street-magic show.
It was so profound. I looked up where the Cranberrie's came up with the song to find that the singer died almost exactly a year ago to that day. 1 year and 8 days before this happened, the lead singer had died from drowning.
I am sorry for derailing the thread. I hope this gives context on the very real rewards you can reap by going in this direction. My 'cornerstone' moved from my 14 year old self back to this life's earliest childhood memories. I am not a different person. Instead, I relate to more genres of music than I did in the last 20 years. I regained my social skills. I gained my compassion back. And I am not the kid from back then; instead I simply let the poor guy out of his cage.
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)