Deciding to connect with my higher self

[RitaJC]

So I was going for a meditation walk today. And while I was trying not to think, I couldn't help but find myself thinking. And I was thinking about how no matter what I do, nothing will ever be enough for me and I won't be happy. Nothing I could become will make me happy. Nothing I could accomplish. None of it, because for the ego, it's never enough. Every time I concern myself with the ambitions of my ego, I just end up suffering. Every time I think about the things my ego wanted me to accomplish that I failed at, I suffer. As long as I serve my ego, I suffer. So if nothing I could accomplish could be enough, and nothing I could be could be enough, as long as it's in service of my ego, what could I possibly become that would fulfill me and be enough? I also thought about how I've been a crappy friend to a lot of people, and how with some of them, I'll probably never get another chance to prove I've changed, but if I could prove I've changed to them, what version of myself would I want to have changed into?

And At some point in the walk, it dawned on me that only by embodying my higher self will I be happy with who I am. If I could somehow figure out what my higher self would do with my life and do that, all the pain and suffering I've been through will have been worth it, because that's the version of me I can be happy with becoming, and if it took all that suffering to get to that point, I guess it will have been worth it.

Problem is, I don't have a good connection with my higher self, so I don't really know how to embody my higher self. But I've got some tools available to develop a connection. I've got my meditation walk and I've got a special mantra. I know it's a lifelong endeavor, but the closer I get the more happy with myself I'll become. I've got to develop a connection.Aside from my meditation walk, regular meditation and my special mantra, I intend to collect more tools to employ.

If anybody has any good tips or tools that you would suggest, I'd be interested to hear. But otherwise, I've got the tools I've got and I suppose that's enough for now. Truth is, I've been slacking spiritually until recently. And I've been suffering with a sense of worthlessness. That's what my mind has been on lately. Feeling worthless and like a loser. I need some way out, and so far, I've determined that developing a connection with my higher self and doing my best to embody it is the only real way out. Problem is, how do I tell when it's really what my higher self wants and not the ego? The ego is tricky after all. I guess only by developing a good connection will I know. It'll take a while, but at least I have some sort of answer to my problem, as vague as it is. It's not that I've got a star pointing north, so much as it is that I now know to head north. Still gonna need to develop that internal compass because so far, I've been following all the wrong things. But at least I know I've got to develop it. Life just might get better from here, as low as I am right now.

I know my higher self would forgive everybody who ever wronged me, so they're all forgiven. Apart from that, I guess only time will tell where my higher self leads me to...

I am really happy to hear you have gotten so far in your process of awakening to the Truth already.

There is still lots of confusion, and that is the experience we came "here" to have: to be confused to the maximum about who we are and why we are here and to experience waking up from the illusion created by those beliefs that have nothing in common with the Truth.

I believe, we can always experience only one thing here: what we believe ourselves to be. The great news is: we have the inner compass that helps us make discernment about if what we believe about ourselves is true or not: the senses experienced as our "body". And we can learn how to use it properly.

E.g., if you really stay with each of the two beliefs for a while: "I am disconnected from my higher self and don't know how to embody it" and "My higher self is who I really am and I am learning how to live as that" or any of the wonderful suggestions by Tae (I would add tapping on the opposite sides of the body) you will have different sensations in your body. And you will know which of them is closer to the Truth by which of them feels better.

It's really hard to help you in writing. I would love to have a live call with you. Drop me a PM, if you are interested