Depression and Accepting or Resisting Futility

[kristina]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

Sounds like to me someone is going through the dark night of the soul.
Endings, endings and more endings. This is a turning point for you. As you must see all the things that I would consider "passing away". So, can you make this big decision? Can you walk this path? Is this possible for you? Can you take the emptiness and are you able to surrender to what is? What is in front of you!
You are passing through the fire of refinement my friend. There's no need to say, "maybe to die would be better!" Do you want to be refined? If so, you will have to pass through the fire. If not, you can pick up unconscious habits to delay your progress and delay the pain in which you are feeling right now. It will not get worse I promise but you are being asked to now do the work. But can you? Only you can answer that question. If what is laid out before you could not be obtained by you, it would not be before you. This is you calling you not some other outside force of another world or a form of torture to see you suffer. This is your cross road, your crux. Now, what will you do?
These things are merely catalyst and we can either rise to the occassion or dismiss it. If we dismiss it, it will be back. I tell my Stepson, this is where you will be working from; from this point. I can't tell you anything more than that. You will be working on your loneliness, from separation, from forgiveness of the self and of the other who have left you in a vunerable spot. Phoenix, this is your journey. Do not be down trodden because you have been called to be of service to yourself and the other. Don't lose spiritual vitality because this road of which you have chosen before this incarnation is in full swing. let me give you a prescription of sorts Phoenix.
1.Wake every morning and look in the mirror and tell that person you love them. Even if at first it seems "futile".
2. Meditate at least every other day for as long as you can stand it
3. In your mind tell your Mother you love her anyway and also your friend whom you miss
4. Tell yourself that you forgive any shortcomings you percieve you may have and forgive every wrong doing that the two people who you are currently dealing with
5. Buy white sage and burn it before and during your meditations to make your area a neutral place for your meditations. And ask to be guarded by the four directions or the four Archangels during your meditations.
Do these things every day.
If you feel sad, cry and cry as much as you feel but do not forget to love, nuture and forgive yourself as you are like a vunerable child. So protect and nuture the vunerable child.