Genetic changes

[kristina]

I was just trying to be nice. I'm sorry you're hurt, or if I hurt you. I don't think you are any of those things, I hope you do too.

thank you for trying to be nice - you didn't hurt me - it came across as you ignoring my choice for privacy.
I'm not hurt by recent and past situations - just tired of it.
yes - I'm definitely not 'those things'.

I was way too "strident" when I first joined many years back - because I was in severe physical, and emotional pain - and also because, at that point I'd spent decades helping individuals and communities who experience systemic disenfranchisement, abuse, violence and active discrimination due to STS global power structures - but without seeing any noticeable improvement (globally). The rich are getting richer. The poor are increasing in number.

(NB: neither they or myself - view ourselves as 'victims' - we're survivors - constantly making efforts to improve our and everyone's lives. Refusing to accept 'dog eat dog' - 'each person for themselves' ideologies - actively resisting greed - resisting STS.) (edit: addition) by creating support networks, advocacy, swap-barter-donate alternatives, legislation changes, media presence/s, sharing information, time, ideas, resources. Self sufficiency models et al.

I would have been seen as 'preachy', argumentative and unyielding by many members; and that would have been warranted. (But advocacy for ideas opposed to STO wasn't okay with me; so that was the cause for my emphatic approach.)

I was (metaphorically) writing posts with blood from wounds dripping down my hands onto the keyboard; wounds near lethal from decades longer in 3D 'hell' than most members.
My longer time in 3D anguish - meant I wasn't going to be understood by most (chronologically) younger members. I didn't reckon with that.
My 'stridency' would have been a big deterrent. Especially from a woman.

I was living with daily suicidal ideation, in a state of active trauma from violence I'd barely survived; with no support, no income, no hope for a future, severe physical pain (from injuries from a violent assault), complete family shunning and judgement, separated from friends. So I was amazed and disheartened that the basics of humanitarian issues were unwelcome in discussion by many members in a place I'd so hoped would be a 'sanctuary'.

I was very unrealistic and felt very angry about it.

I don't any more. No point.

But - that's enough - I won't/can't go into any further public discussion of any of this; or myself.

Thank you for your reply.

But - no.

I get it.....