Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma

[Kaaron]

Great suggestions by Kaaron, but I believe, in the state you're in right now, you need a really good guide/mentor/teacher ASAP.

Perhaps this is the reason for his question?
I find it good to come here and get advice from people, who have the same basic belief structure ie. The Ra material.
Alot of people are good at healing...they aren't necessarily fully aware of psychological concepts or energy vampires etc.
This place has alot of concentration on the Law of One.
I spent alot of time looking for a teacher or guide...only to realize I am my own guide...its all in me.
Forgiveness is the step that will help release the expectation.
Love and forgive yourself.
Diana has awesome methodology.
It's good to ground and do normal sh!t too.
Go for walks and eat better.
Try to understand that there are always energy payments or rebalancing clauses, worked into our energy body.
Drugs can help intense epiphanies manifest but they are always going to have a draining effect "at the other end".
I don't get the feeling you're keen on that path...more that you are desperate and willing to try whatever you can.
The boundaries suggestion is awesome.
Also...if you find yourself upset...don't act for 24 hours.
Just sit with it.
Remember everything happens perfectly and waiting ain't gonna kill you.
Then you can get a fuller array of emotion without manifesting as much physically.
If you still want to act out what you initially felt...after 24 hours...go for it.

There was someone who was assisting me in my learning for years. This individual disclosed everything about free will to me.

About five months ago he left me to fend for myself. Almost doing a 180 degree turnaround. The nature of my traumas were severe, and I cannot orient myself which is why I reach out here. Law of One may not be the place, although I cry to Ra, Q’uo, Hatonn, Latwii, Yadda and Laiton most nights asking for guidance.

It would be very difficult to find a proper guide. But I am trying. Most are dedicated to a religion or specific esoteric teaching. In the future I may become a monk, I don’t know. I’m not there yet, but the confusion and desperation is very real to me.

Same thing happened in my experience in 2017.
Crying...angry...confused.
Asking for help...asking to die.
I spent months netting crystals and doing s*** to make myself move forward.
It's a case of just pushing through it.
It may be that you were giving your power away.
That's what I was doing.
Relying on the relationship as a safety net...running ideas past my partner, kind of like checking to see if I'm right.
It was student teacher...on both sides...yet this led to codependency.
We had a child together, I had to go through losing my partner, fellow student of the Law of One and best friend...not to mention my son being there everyday. I came to see my other son...then the day before I was due to go back on the bus...my partner told me not to. I didn't even get to explain anything to my son.
I'm 39 and have already gone through losing my 18 n 20 year olds...at age 3 n 5. Then abortions and miscarriages...gang life.
So I really thought I was on the right path.
The universe just seems to find that one thing that will break you...and use it. It's called catalyst but it feels like the higherself choosing for me. Like free will here is an illusion.
If I want to stay in this place of codependency...surely free will dictates I can? No...I have one choice...how I react to what is already chosen. I feel this is the only free will we really have.
How you see it...is all you can decide. The rest will keep agitating us, until we accept what we already chose.
Maybe it's you recognizing this and stepping out into the unknown.
It feels like hell...I've been there.
Sometimes it's not about finding a teacher or guide...its about learning to be your own.