Wandering Son

[AlgolSon]

Hello, all! This is my first post. My name is Tim.

I was first acquainted with the Ra material many years ago. I forget how I found it. I believe I searched about the pyramids. I was still very lost, then. I have been lost since I was born, up until some years ago, when the Creator helped me. Now I am wandering. I have not remembered anything, yet. I have never prayed or meditated. I'm a little reluctant to. Will it spoil the mystery I have been unraveling through thousands of synchronicities and a few out of body experiences? Part of me wants to keep ignorant because the mystery is the only thing I find worth living for. It makes life fun. But part of me wants to begin communing because I am observing the beginning of extreme challenges ahead. I want to be of more service.

I was born four months premature but full-sized, with a head of hair, and healthy. I was cute. Strangers would ask to hold me. Family friends would want to borrow me. I have become a good-looking man. I have poor eyesight but have never experienced a poor constitution. I had hypoglycemia in my teens and twenties but it has left me. I have never experienced illness. I say none of this to be boastful. I have never cared about these gifts. I am grateful, yes, but I have never used them. I have been celibate for very long -- I have never even had a girlfriend. I have not applied my physical strength to any discipline. I am nearing 40 years old now but appear 20. It has occurred to me, lately, that my health and appearance may be the tools I need to be of service, but I have no idea how to use them.

My mother told me I never crawled forward. I would either scoot forward on my butt or crawl backward turning my head to look. One day I just walked. I very rarely cried. My parents took me on their dates because I wasn't fussy. Times were not so bad until my early teens. I was lonely but my baby sister was my best friend. My father was never emotional stable but a real sociopathy emerged from him. To him I was (and still am) his property. I have the looks, the constitution, and the intelligence, to wield worldly influence but never cared for power or status. He lives only for this world. So he believes I should, too, and that I should pay his way because he owns me. He was balanced by mother, who I am sure was a Wanderer. Emotionally near perfect. She paid my father's way "forward".

It has been difficult dealing with a father who lies, steals, demeans, spreads rumors, gets you arrested, and abandons you, without remorse. When he had no one to turn to I still helped him. But he did not care. He went through a bypass procedure. He weaponized it. When my mother died, he insulted her on microphone at the viewing. My sister disowned him. Still, he did not change. I've never had any real issue with the 'good vs. evil' binary. It has been dealing with this 'compassion vs. wisdom' binary that is difficult. I will make one last attempt at compassion. If my father will not be positive I will leave him behind.

I allowed my father to convince me I was worthless. For a long time I was self destructive. I had to deal, also, with the years of time and money I lost. It has been a real climb to learn to love myself and stop caring about what I lost. I suppose I have just answered my question about having those gifts. I'm physically no different than a youth without women and kids. I am grateful. I might still learn what it's like to be in love.

I'd like to get into the Creator's intervention later. I want to stop writing for the night.

Thanks for all who listen.