07-29-2020, 08:33 PM
(06-02-2020, 12:48 AM)888 Wrote: I do 20 minutes minimum of silent meditation a day. I'll stretch it out to multiple hours if I have the time and inclination to, and I cycle through various meditative activities like the Wim Hof breathing method, yoga nidra, qigong, regular yoga, guided meditation / visualization audios, Hindu mantras, candle meditation, chakra meditations etc. on a daily basis... I'll do maybe 2-3 of the activities I listed a day, and switch them to maintain variety. I invoke and banish, and do Kabbalistic meditations every day (I'm going to stop for this next week or so because I feel very burnt out).
It seems like none of that's working right now. This is a very low point for me I guess. It felt like it was working at points before.
Anyways I'll listen to the interview you linked when I have the time to.
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I'm not going to give up, I'm really going to keep pushing until I either break through or everything falls apart for good, but it's really, really frustrating putting in 110% into everything, in the 'regular' world, and the spiritual world, and just feeling like I'm getting further and further from actual progress.
I just need to say this s***. I'm not looking to complain to anybody and I don't care if anyone even reads or responds to this at this point. I'm fucking frustrated and I just need to post this somewhere. I really need things to change.
Taking a break may be best...... I had to take a break from doing 20-30 min meditations in recent weeks due to the massive influx of information I was receiving.... Long story short I sacrificed something major to my well being 2 months ago and fell homeless for a month... the night after I moved into the woods I reached intelligent infinity.... I think the rate of everything and the impact of everything made me feel weary and sad and lost.... currently I'm with home again pondering where do I go from here.... I draw/shuffle the major arcana here and there... I often pull The moon and the hanged man (12:12)..... I'll see the hanged man more so.... My clocks and watch will mysteriously stop at 12:12 and not move until I reconfigure them... I say all that to say your not alone in feeling frustrated with the STO path..... I plan to do a high dose shroom trip in august to lift the veil for a few hours to ask what else do I need to let go and what specific purpose was I sent here for.... other than the entheogens I do not know what else can help for me at this point...