The Cultivation of Radical Honesty

[JoshC]

I wanted to write my thoughts down before I read the other posts, so if I find something after I post this I'll edit this one or post another time

First off, regardless of what discipline you're trying to master or new pattern you're trying to manifest, I would say knowing fully why you're doing it is a good pursuit. Ask yourself and be willing to bluntly honestly answer the question, "Why do I want this?". Know very well the intended/desired outcome of it, identify possible negative and positive externalities, identify things you'll want to research if applicable, identify things you'll need or things that will make your quest easier... Etc.

When thoughts flit through the mind, especially thoughts contrary to where you are attempting to focus your energy, it can be a struggle to determine what the proper response is.

I would suggest that after having done what I suggested to do earlier in this post, it will be a little bit easier to let these thoughts simply slide away. It's like when you first start meditating and you don't want to attach any feeling or give any attention to thoughts that are in your head - you just let them fall away because they're not useful at that point in time. So here will you know that those are thoughts that you simply don't want and that offer you no advantage. Be gentle with yourself!

Also, about the Ra part about thoughts falling away: I think that taking charge of letting them go rather than waiting for them to stop coming to you will help you get to your destination faster. Know that those thoughts aren't thoughts you don't wish to think any more and every time they come up remember to let them dissipate easily and without second thought.

This frustration with my own ability to commit to a path is positively self-defeating, because the less I keep my commitments to myself the more I reinforce either a loss of faith in myself or erect a wall of dishonesty with self to not have to experience this dejection.

It sounds to me (and I may be wrong so treat this accordingly ) like you have a tendency to be hard on yourself about these things. If I were attempting to do something similar to what you're doing (creating new patterns/habits/etc), I wouldn't let my slip-ups affect me terribly. In fact, I bet that as time goes on you're getting better and better at what you're doing. You may notice that each of your slip-ups is less significant than the last, that is, you're succeeding in letting your old ways go and in creating your new desired ways! Go easy on yourself

But if this pattern is to be turned around, if I am to commit my energy in a way that breaks the cycle, and sort of hold on for dear life to a discipline, how am I to do so without in some sense introducing regimentation and control over myself at least on some level? How do I discipline the self with love?

It seems to me that you're trying to manifest this desired outcome as quickly as possible. I'd like to suggest to you that being your own cheerleader might be a good avenue to venture down. Praise yourself only, don't judge or criticize yourself. And if you happen to fall, pick yourself up lovingly and dust yourself off (forgive yourself too! ), then keep going knowing that you've made much progress already and your momentary lapses in will have only made you stronger. Focus on the goal and learn from the past - since the past is over and there's no use dwelling on it, you may as well learn from it and move on

Peace and Love :idea: